


Still The One

by FrickingKaos



Series: Nick and Amanda [4]
Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Coma, Drama, Engagement, F/M, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Major Original Character(s), Mild Language, Minor Violence, References to Depression, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Content, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 43,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10594623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrickingKaos/pseuds/FrickingKaos
Summary: *FOURTH in the Nick and Amanda Series*Nick has finally won Amanda's heart, but now she is thrown into both sides of his life, will their relationship last on the way to the altar?





	1. Chapter 1

Nick smiled as they drove home from Miami International Airport, thinking back on the last few days. Amanda was now his fiancé...she was his. He didn't have to worry about losing her anymore. As they drove up to the house and parked, Amanda kissed Nick on the cheek, eager to tell their news to AJ and Aaron.

"Ah, its so good to be....what the hell?" Nick exclaimed as he opened the door to find the house a mess. Baby clothes littered the living room and in the middle of it all, AJ was on the couch fast asleep with the baby.

"Shhh...we don't want to wake the sleeping beast." Nick commented softly.

"That's not nice to say about Celine, baby." Amanda said, her hands on her hips.

"Celine? I meant AJ." Nick smiled as Amanda giggled, causing AJ to stir.

"Oh...you're home..." he whispered, shifting slightly in the leather couch cushions.

"What happened, AJ? Did a tornado hit?" Nick asked, laughing as he stepped carefully over the clothes.

"The demon child gave me a hard time." AJ said darkly as he handed the baby to Amanda. The baby seemed happy to see her again and giggled as Amanda kissed her face. 

"Jay, stop exaggerating." Nick said as he laughed.

"Celine did you give Uncle AJ a hard time?" Amanda saked as the baby made noises and giggled.

"You're home!" a voice said from behind them. Nick turned around to see Brian holding a handful of groceries, a chihuahua at his feet and Aaron trailing behind.

"Hey Bri." Nick waved as he took Celine and kissed her as well. Brian walked in and shook his head at the mess, throwing a dirty look at AJ.

"When I left two hours ago this house was clean!" Brian exclaimed, kicking the door closed with his foot.

"I guess that means Brian's the wife?" Amanda said, causing Nick to erupt into a fit of laughter.

"Is there something you guys want to tell us?" he said between giggles.

"Ew, gross!" Aaron said as he left the room with Brian's dog.

"How was your trip?" Brian asked, once they had all gone into the kitchen. Amanda simply grinned and waved her hand in Brian's face, showing him the diamond ring. AJ's brown eyes went wide as he grabbed Amanda's wrist, pulling her hand close to his face.

"That is a nice ass ring, dude." AJ said. The smile slid off his face once he heard a familiar rustling noise behind him.

"Not now, Aaron!" AJ protested.

"Pay up." Aaron stated, grinning.

"See what you did, Nick? That kid is a menace." AJ said angrily as he stuffed a dollar bill into the swear jar.

"What did my brother do now?" Nick asked.

"He has been following me around shaking that thing in my face."  
"Whatever do you mean, AJ?" Aaron said, looking innocently at him and smiling while AJ scowled.

"You Carters are nothing but trouble." he pointed out as Amanda and Brian laughed.

A few days later, there was an engagement party held on the beach behind Nick's house. Brian had planned the whole thing, inviting all of the engaged couple's friends.

"So what kind of wedding are you guys gonna have?" AJ asked as the adults shared drinks, while Aaron played with Brian's dog Tyke.

"What did you have in mind, baby?" Nick asked, putting his arm around Amanda and grinning.

"I want a big wedding. When Lance and I got married we couldn't afford it....I want to go all out this time." Amanda replied.

"I would like to have a traditional wedding, in a church." Nick said, nodding.

"Ya know, if you guys are doing something like that, I know someone who can help....my cousin is a wedding planner." Brian offered, drinking from his champagne. Amanda and Nick both agreed that this was a wonderful idea, so Brian said he would have his cousin stop by to meet them.

"Nick?" Aaron asked suddenly, appearing next to them.

"What's up?"

"Can I get a dog?" Aaron replied. Nick was surprised, but not that surprised. He had seen Aaron play with Brian's dog and it made him smile, but at the same time it reminded him that he had never had a pet himself. Nick loved dogs, but was never allowed animals as a child. He wanted Aaron to have the things he couldn't....but at the same time he felt that he owed himself as well.

"Baby, can we get a dog?" Nick asked, turning to look at her. Amanda had to laugh, the two brothers were a sight, both wearing a pout on their faces.

"Its your house, Nick." she said as their friends laughed heartily.  
"Dude you are so whipped." AJ commented.

"No, I just thought that since we will be married soon, we should make descisions together." Nick stated, smiling.

"Aww." Amanda replied before kissing him. AJ promptly made gagging noises and imitated a whip cracking.

"I am NOT." Nick protested. Brian laughed but then stopped abruptly, his eyes narrowed.

"What?" Nick said as he was nudged in the chest by Brian, who pointed towards the deck.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Nick exclaimed. AJ rolled up his sleeves ready to fight but Brian pulled him back by his shirt.

"Oh god." Amanda whispered when she noticed the fearful expression on her fiancé's face. She had not expected him to come here, and hoped he was not there to start trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

"AJ, relax. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for all of this." Nick said calmly, although his face was void of color. He was not happy at all, not happy that he had shown up, especially after everything. 

"I'll go talk to him." Amanda said, but Nick stopped her mid step. 

"Baby, please...." he begged. He didn't want her to talk to Lance. This was her former husband, the man who walked out on her and Celine. Nick didn't want Amanda to deal with this on her own, but she knew she had to talk to him. 

"I have to do this, Nick. For both of us." she told him softly. Amanda walked down the beach to the deck behind their house. 

"What are you doing here, Lance?" Amanda demanded, crossing her arms and glaring into his green eyes. She had not seen him since he had walked out on her at New Year's. He didn't look all that different, except the slight stubble on his chin. He was wearing jeans and a grey shirt, his hair spiked with hair gel as it always was. 

"Amanda...." 

"What are you doing here, Lance?" she said sternly, cutting him off. 

"I came to talk to you." he replied softly, glancing over her shoulder at the stares everyone was giving him. He shifted uncomfortably, and for the first time since they had met, Amanda could see that he looked nervous. 

"You better not be here to start trouble, haven't you done enough-" 

"I'm not here for that. I want to talk to you." Lance interrupted. 

"Okay....so talk then." 

"Can we go somewhere a bit more private?" he asked, his eyes pleading with her. They moved into the house. Lance had never been to Nick's house before. He looked around and took everything in, it was well decorated and cozy. The two of them sat there, nobody saying anything for quite a long time. 

"I thought you wanted to talk." Amanda said coldly, not looking at him. 

"Amanda, you have every right to be mad at me for what I did to you." Lance began. Amanda privately agreed, he had walked out on her and left her with a 6 month old baby. 

"You're damn right I was angry, Lance!" Amanda shouted. He looked away from her, ashamed. 

"I'm sorry for walking out on you. I should have supported you." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry.....for leaving. It was wrong of me to do that the way I did.." Lance said, looking right at her. Amanda stared at him in surprise. 

"Lance you did a lot of screwed up things." she told him. 

"I hurt you, but can I tell you why I did that? It was because of Nick." he explained. 

"Nick has everything he could want. He had the perfect childhood, a great career and all the money he needed. He had a family, and I had nothing. You were the last thing I had. That baby was so important to me, I wanted to be a father so bad. So when Katie told me Celine wasn't mine, I snapped." Lance said, his eyes watering. 

"Wait....Katie told you? When was this?" Amanda demanded. She had never asked how he found out that Nick was Celine's father. Lance closed his eyes, thinking back to Christmas. 

"Remember when I took that business trip to NY back in December?"

"Yeah I do." 

"Well Katie and I ran into each other, she told me everything. I got so angry.....I wanted to...." 

"Lance, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about Celine, Nick didn't want to hurt you. He gave up his rights to her and named you the father." Amanda said, not feeling as angry as she was. 

"Nick did that for me?" 

"Yes, he did. Oh, and by the way, Nick's life was far from perfect....his dad left at the age of 5 and his mother beat the shit out of him! He had a very horrible childhood, and your picking on him did not help matters." she said angrily. Lance looked at his feet, ashamed with himself. 

"I tried everything I could to keep you and Nick apart. I called my uncle... He works for RCA. I told him he should sign Nick because I thought if he got a music career it would keep him away from you."

Amanda stared at him in stunned silence. Lance was so desperate to hold onto her he practically handed Nick his record deal. 

"Nick got that audition because of you?"

Lance nodded before continuing.

"Yes. I was just so desperate. I didn't want to lose you because I saw how much he loved you. He loved you since we were kids. I saw it after you went to prom together and it just drove me insane. I was a terrible person. A horrible person."

"Lance..." Amanda began, but he continued. 

"I blamed Nick for most of my problems. He seemed so happy. My mother died when I was born, and my father was a wrestler, so he wasn't around. He passed away just before graduation. Nick had you and Brian. He had good friends, I only had Joey. " he said softly. He wiped his eyes before speaking again.

"So when I heard that Nick was the father of Celine, I wanted to get rid of him....to keep him away from you. So I suggested that she marry him." 

"Katie tricked him into marrying her the night you walked out on me. How ironic." Amanda scoffed. 

"Well, I felt bad afterwards for everything I did...so I tried to make up for it. I convienently left some pictures on Nick's porch for his birthday of Katie, she was cheating on him the whole time and I caught her in New York." Lance  
explained. Amanda was impressed, she never would have expected him to do that, to help Nick or do something nice for him. 

"That was considerate of you," she stated with a smile. 

"Well, I felt horrible. I have done so much to him, I felt I owed him at least that much." Lance replied, before seeing Nick in the doorway.

"Nick..." he whispered as he stood up. Amanda looked up and saw Nick was smiling, his eyes tearing. Lance walked over and pulled Nick into a hug, and Nick's smile turned to confusion. 

"Why is he hugging me?" Nick asked, looking at Amanda. 

"Its his way of saying he's sorry, I guess...." she said, smiling as Nick accepted the apology and they shook hands.


	3. Chapter 3

After the engagement party, Brian told Amanda that his cousin would be by on Thursday to meet her and Nick. The doorbell rang around 3 in the afternoon as Amanda was watching television, the doorbell rang. 

"Hi....you must be Amanda," the man at the door said in a distinct Southern drawl. His black hair fell gently in his face and his eyes, a deep green, seemed to twinkle. Amanda smiled at the handsome stranger, wondering how he knew who she was. 

"Well, yes. I am Amanda...but I'm afraid I don't remember meeting you before." she found herself telling him after a few moments. 

"I'm Kevin Richardson, Brian told me you were looking for a wedding planner and I am here to help." he smiled warmly. He was handsome and charming, Amanda was taken with him at once. 

"Oh....you're Brian's cousin. I wasn't expecting...." she stammered. A male wedding planner was completely unexpected, Brian hadn't told her his cousin was a man. 

"If it makes you feel better, I can go put on a dress..." Kevin said with a grin. Amanda laughed, he was as charming as Brian. 

"No, no....thats's okay. Come on in." she replied. He followed her inside and she led him to their kitchen. Nick loved to cook, their kitchen was large with big cabinets and long counters. Amanda and Kevin sat down at the table and talked. 

"So Brian told you we were interested in hiring a wedding planner?" Amanda asked, looking him over. Kevin was dressed professionally in black pants and a navy blue dress shirt, a black jacket completed his outfit. 

"Yes, he spoke very highly of you and your fiancé." Kevin said as AJ walked in the room shirtless and carrying Celine. 

"See this?" he said in an annoyed tone, holding up the baby to Amanda.

"She's hungry, why don't you feed her?" he added as if it was an order. Amanda glared at him and took Celine, holding her against her shoulder. 

"Will you go put some clothes on? We have company!" she snapped, hitting AJ on the arm with her free hand. Kevin smiled and stood up, eyeing him. 

"Hello, I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you." he offered, holding his hand out for AJ to shake. 

"Sup?" AJ replied as he shook it. Kevin seemed a little disturbed by the shirtless man in front of him, covered in tattoos and piercings...his hair dyed a violent shade of red. 

"Go....clothes....now..." Amanda hissed angrily, shooing him out of the room. She turned to Kevin, who had taken his seat back at the table. 

"I'm so sorry about him, he is not usually like this at all..." Amanda apologized. Kevin smiled but wondered how someone like her ended up with someone like him. 

"Now about the wedding..." Amanda started when Nick walked into the kitchen carrying groceries and looking tired. 

"Hi baby, and baby..." Nick greeted Amanda, gently kissing her on the cheek while balancing the grocery bag. He leaned in to kiss the baby as well and then moved towards the refrigerator. Kevin watched Nick with so much confusion, he thought his head would explode. 

"Honey, I want you to meet the wedding planner....Kevin." Amanda said with a smile. 

"Oh....so this is Nick....this is your fiancé." Kevin commented as Amanda laughed. Nick turned around and looked at Kevin...a strange memory came to him of a farm....he could almost smell the hay from the barn... 

"Nick?" Amanda called, and he shook it away. Kevin stood in front of him with his hand extended but Nick didn't take it. He simply stared and did not move. After a moment of awkward silence, Amanda became frustrated. 

"Honey, take Celine upstairs." she said, trying to get Nick out of the room. He obliged and promptly left, leaving Amanda and Kevin alone. 

"I am so sorry about that...." Amanda said finally once Kevin had taken his seat back at the table. He had a strange look on his face, as if he were remembering something.   
"Amanda, how old is Nick?" he asked suddenly. 

"He is 25, the same age as Brian and I." she explained, wondering why he would be asking about Nick. She went on to tell him that she met Nick when they were ten.   
"Look, it was nice to meet you both." Kevin said as he got up and headed for the door. 

"Likewise...." Amanda said, and like that...he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Amanda was furious with Nick for the way he was acting around Kevin so she avoided him the rest of the afternoon until they both went to bed that night together. He was being affectionate, his soft lips moving down her neck and upon her shoulder. Annoyed, she moved away from him and turned onto her back. Nick frowned slightly before his hand crept slowly up her back, trying to undress her. When she moved again, Nick knew she was not happy with him. 

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?" he asked softly, his voice full of hurt. 

"You were totally out of line with the wedding planner today. He would have been perfect." Amanda replied, sitting up in bed and turning on the lamp next to her. 

"Would have been? What do you mean?" Nick asked. He had liked Kevin....he thought he was a nice guy.

"Because you treated him so poorly he probably thinks we are a bunch of jerks and won't want to help us now." Amanda said, crossing her arms sourly. Nick moved closer to her and sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

"Baby, I didn't mean to act like that....I thought I recognized him. I was trying to think of where I know him from...but its not important. I will talk to him for you, ok? I understand how much this means to you and I will apologize. I honestly didn't mean anything by what I did...it was uncalled for and I'm sorry." he explained softly, his lips curved into a smile. Amanda smiled and they kissed before falling asleep. The next morning, Nick got up before her and let her sleep in. Thinking quickly, he managed to get Kevin's phone number from Brian and invited him over to the house for coffee. Kevin was happy to accept the offer and the two men sat at the kitchen table, not speaking for a few moments. 

"I thought I recognized you. You're Brian's friend.....the one he brought to the farm at Christmas that year." Kevin said as he sipped at his cup. Nick looked away from him. He didn't remember much of that Christmas. It was his first time away from his real family....it had been hard on him. 

"Yes....that was me." Nick replied stiffly. 

"Nick, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings...my family didn't mean to treat you like that." Kevin continued. 

"I should be apologizing to you. I shut you out when all you were doing was being nice to me. I am sorry I was such a brat....I was going through a hard time in my life." Nick told him as he stirred his coffee again. 

"It's all right, Nick. Brian explained to me after the whole thing happened....I was out of line. I hope we can put this behind us, I would really like to help with your wedding." Kevin replied with a kind smile. He saw Nick was not that awkward teenager anymore, he had really grown up into a responsible man. 

"Well, my wife has her heart set on you being our wedding planner. You're hired." Nick said, shaking Kevin's hand as Amanda walked in the room with a smile on her face. 

"Baby, Kevin is gonna help us with the wedding, I set everything right with him." Nick said. 

"Does he know what kind of project we had in mind?" Amanda asked as she took a chair next to Nick. 

"We are looking to be very traditional, lots of guests....and money is no object." Nick explained. Kevin grinned as he heard their ideas....this was the beginning of the biggest job of his career and he was more than happy to make their special day a reality. He just hoped their relationship would last that long.


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda was excited to have Kevin to help plan the wedding. The next day she invited him over to go over some things. They had a wonderful meeting but after a while, he looked at his watch. It was nearing 3 in the afternoon. 

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I must get to the ranch and tend to my horses, I haven't visited them all day." Kevin said as he stood up. 

"You own horses?" Amanda asked, following him to the front door. She had loved horses since she was a little girl back in New Jersey, and loved riding. 

"My family owns a ranch about an hour from here. Brian and I go riding together once in a while." Kevin explained. 

"Brian rides horses?" Amanda said, smiling. She found it hard for her to imagine him on a horse, he was so into sports like basketball. 

"Oh yes, when I lived in Kentucky....Brian came to the farm a lot to ride. We used to go for hours...he loves it. Do you like to ride?" 

"I haven't ridden since I was a girl, but I would love to do it again." Amanda said, remembering horseback riding when she was young. 

"Well, maybe you could come with us sometime, Brian and I would love some company. How about tomorrow?" Kevin asked. Amanda agreed right away, she loved to ride. The next day Brian picked her up in the morning. The two of them were going to meet Kevin at the ranch, it was a beautiful day outside. 

"Thanks for bringing me along, Bri. I can't wait to ride. I haven't been since I was little." Amanda said as they drove to the ranch. 

"Yeah....I have been riding since I was a kid. I tried to get Nick to do it too when we went to Kentucky." Brian explained. He used to love going to the farm for Christmas when he was a teenager until Kevin's family moved to Miami. 

"Did he like it?" Amanda asked, trying to picture Nick horseback riding. 

"He wouldn't come with us....he kept to himself a lot..." Brian told her, watching the road as they drove through the woods. 

"That's too bad." 

"He was going through a hard time when he was 16....you were gone and he wasn't used to being away from his family yet. So my dad decided to take him along to Kevin's parent's farm in Kentucky. Well, he forgot to tell them about Nick when we went." Brian reminisced. 

"They didn't tell Kevin's parents that Nick was coming? I bet they weren't happy about it." Amanda said thoughtfully as she stared out of the window.   
"No, they weren't happy at all. Kevin's dad and my dad got into a fight on Christmas Eve because Nick wouldn't spend time with the rest of the family, he kept hanging out in the barn and reading. Kevin's mom said something must be wrong with a boy that only wants to read." Brian replied with a sigh. 

"That's awful." Amanda offered, picturing the whole thing as he told her what happened. She knew Nick must have been hurt to hear all of the fighting. 

"So Kevin's dad told my parents that Nick belonged in a foster home and asked why he...and I quote...couldn't be more like Brian. He then said Nick ruined Christmas and even though we had adopted him, he was not their family." Brian finished. He remembered how Nick had heard the whole fight and spent about two hours crying in the loft over the barn, not coming down for supper. They had called and called him, he spent the night out in the barn. 

"We left there Christmas morning, we didn't stay any longer. My dad kept telling Nick that they loved him and they were sorry for Kevin's family but Nick wouldn't listen. He kept insisting he ruined Christmas and he was a burden.....it led to him running away." 

"That's so sad. What did Kevin say about all of this?" Amanda asked curiously. She found it hard to believe that Kevin was so cold hearted as his parents, he seemed so friendly. 

"Kevin didn't really talk to Nick during our visit. He thought he was strange...plus his parents were pretty adamant about him leaving Nick alone." Brian replied as they pulled into the driveway. The ranch was beautiful, with large white fences and a big stable...surrounded by trees. Kevin was waiting for them as they exited the car and walked over. 

"Hello, Amanda. Nice to see you again." Kevin greeted with a warm smile as he shook her hand. 

"Thank you for inviting me along." Amanda said. Kevin led them to the stable and they chose their horses before moving out on the trail. They spent a good part of the afternoon riding and when they were finished, all of them were happy. 

"That was amazing!" Amanda exclaimed. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. You may come with us any time you like, and Nick can come too if he wants." Kevin offered as he tied up his horse. 

"Of course, I will be sure to give him the invitation." Amanda said. Brian drove her home and Nick was in the kitchen cooking dinner, his famous fried chicken. 

"Did you have a good time, baby?" Nick asked, kissing her on the cheek. 

"The best. It was so much fun....I am going with them again soon, Kevin said you can come if you want to." Amanda offreed. Nick smiled but thought about his fear of horses. When he had been in Kentucky, he had nearly gotten trampled by the horses in the barn and decided he would never go near them again. 

"I would love to, baby." he lied, grinning as he kissed her again. He knew he shouldn't have told her he would ride...the thought of it scared him, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to take a couple of lessons and go riding with Amanda just once. He decided to keep up the illusion that he could ride to make her happy, even if it meant possibly getting himself hurt. He made a mental note to call for a riding instructor after dinner.


	6. Chapter 6

"What are you doing?" AJ asked as he walked into the kitchen. A foul smell hung in the air....as he came upon Nick in the doorway removing his muddy sneakers. 

"Amanda's not home, is she?" Nick asked as he looked up at him. 

"You smell like a animal, dude." AJ said, making a face as he walked over. Nick grabbed his own shirt and sniffed before making a face as well. He smelled horrible, like he rolled around in a dumpster. 

"Why do you smell like horse shit?" AJ whispered, making sure Aaron and the swear jar weren't around...but Aaron was at school still. 

"No reason..." Nick said as he walked further into the house. 

"Uh, Nick....don't you have rehearsal at two?" AJ pointed out. Nick's face went pale as he looked at the clock. It was 1:45, and he only had 15 minutes to get to the club before Amanda blew a gasket. 

"Oh crap. Yeah, I do...but I can't go smelling like this! I need to take a shower!" Nick said before running up the stairs. He tore off his clothes as he ran, leaving a trail of clothes leading to the bathroom. He hopped in and let the warm water cover his body, lathering himself with soap. He felt sore from the horseback riding and his muscles were tender...it had been a challenge getting on the horse...facing his fear...but he was doing it for Amanda. After the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist then got dressed and threw his clothes down the laundry chute. He raced down the stairs two at a time and to his car, then sped to rehearsals with a minute to spare. Amanda smiled as her fiancé walked in, his damp hair hanging in strings across his face. 

"Hi baby..." Amanda said as he kissed her cheek and squeezed her butt a little. She responded with a playful smack on his arm as he nibbled on her earlobe and chuckled. Nick smelled of cologne and soap, like he had just gotten out of the shower. 

"Did you just shower? Your hair is still wet." Amanda observed, not that she was complaining. He looked so good that she wanted to throw him down on the stage and jump him, but held herself back..after all...the band was there. 

"Yes, I did." Nick said as he took his guitar out of its case and began to tune it. 

"Didn't you shower this morning?" Amanda asked, following him. 

"I mowed the lawn after lunch, I got sweaty...." Nick said. Amanda smiled, imagining him mowing the lawn shirtless, the sweat dripping down his arms and face. After they talked they started rehearsal. The next afternoon AJ caught him again sneaking into the house, this time covered in mud. 

"That's disgusting! What have you been doing?" AJ demanded. Nick smelled worse than the day before, he even had mud in his hair. 

"It's a surprise....for Amanda." Nick grinned as he took off his shoes. 

"Well she's out back tanning. You better get a shower, you smell horrible." AJ commented.   
"I'm learning how to horseback ride." Nick whispered, opening the curtain to see the backyard. Amanda was sunbathing in the blue bikini that Nick liked, the one he had bought her when they went to the Virgin Islands. 

"Why?" AJ asked, opening the fridge to get some soda. 

"I want to ride....why are you reading into this so much?" Nick told him blankly. 

"Just be careful. Horses can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing." AJ warned, opening the soda. Nick laughed it off, he knew from personal experience how dangerous horses could be. Nick began to cook dinner as Amanda walked in looking bummed. 

"What's wrong, baby?" Nick asked, frowning at her. 

"Brian and I were supposed to go riding tomorrow....but he just cancelled." Amanda sighed, sitting down at the table. 

"I could go with you." Nick said before he could stop himself. He had only taken three lessons, what was he thinking? 

"I thought you were busy tomorrow." Amanda said, looking at him curiously. 

"I'm never too busy for you." Nick told her with a smile. Before he knew it he had plans to go riding with Amanda at the ranch the next day. That morning, Nick was nervous the whole car ride there. 

"Oh darn. The gate's locked. Guess we'll have to go home!" he said once they reached the gate. 

"You're funny, Nick. Brian loaned me a key this morning." Amanda said as she unlocked the gate. They chose their horses and went down the trail, the sun shining through the trees. Nick was enjoying himself, and Amanda thought he was doing a fine job at riding.   
"Baby, come look at this," Amanda said. She heard another horse whinny not far away and looked up to see the horse throw Nick up into the air. He screamed as he fell and landed on the ground near the willow tree. Amanda's eyes went wide with terror as she jumped down off of the horse and ran to him, her heart beating faster as she went. 

"NICK!!!" she screamed, but he was motionless, his head slumped over his arm like a rag doll. Amanda felt the tears flow as she bent down to check him, her hands shaking as she looked him over. Nick lay in front of her, his body still not moving. He was breathing but not responding to her. Amanda could only think of Christopher Reeve, who had fallen off a horse and had been paralyzed for life. Thoughts and fears raced through her mind as she cried, trying to wake him up....wondering how she would save him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Nick....Nick, please! Please wake up!" Amanda begged, shaking his shoulder gently. He did not stir, his chest moving slightly. As the seconds passed, Amanda grew more worried. Wiping her eyes, she took out her cell phone and called the first number that came into her mind. 

"Hello?" 

"Brian...you gotta come down to the ranch. There's been an accident." Amanda sobbed, trying to hold her composure, but it was difficult.

"What happened?" Brian asked, sounding worried.   
"Nick fell while we were riding and he won't wake up." Amanda replied. 

"What the hell was he doing riding?" Brian asked. 

"He was doing okay until he fell! Please, he won't answer me...he won't wake up!" Amanda cried, feeling more panic wash over her. Nick lay motionless in front of her and she was beginning to fear the worst, that he would never wake up. Amanda couldn't bear to lose Nick...she loved him so much and had known him so long that she couldn't think of him not being in her life. 

"I'm on my way," Brian said before hanging up. Amanda called Kevin as well, because it was his family's ranch. She was glad that Nick was still breathing, but he would not respond to her. Amanda tried everything to wake him but he lay still. After what seemed forever, Nick let out a soft moan of pain. 

"Oh, Nick...." Amanda whispered as his eyes fluttered open and he blinked up at her, looking confused. 

"Amanda...." he said softly. Everything hurt, his whole body was sore. 

"Baby, don't move. Help is coming, okay? Just stay still!" she told him calmly, grinning. She was glad he had woken up, but the possibility of paralysis was high. 

"Wha-what happened? Everything hurts...." Nick asked, his eyes fearful. 

"That's good, baby....if you feel pain its a good sign!" Amanda replied. It was a relief that he could feel pain...she looked up to see Brian running towards them, breathing heavily. 

"Is he okay?" Brian shouted, nearly tripping over himself. 

"He's awake but I told him not to move." Amanda explained. Brian checked him over and reminded Nick not to try getting up. 

"What's going on?" Nick asked, his voice breaking. He was so confused, his eyes moving around in every direction they could. 

"Nick, you fell off of your horse, please stay still. You might be injured." Brian instructed, trying to keep his friend calm. An ambulance came up the trail and parked by the tree. They placed a brace on Nick's neck and moved him carefully to a stretcher. Nick's eyes began to water, he hated hospitals and was scared to death he was seriously hurt. 

"Amanda...." Nick called as they placed him in the ambulance. Amanda was relieved he woke up, but her fears that he might be hurt were still present. 

"Baby, its gonna be okay....stay calm." Amanda told him, before the ambulance pulled away. She and Brian met up at the hospital, then sat in the waiting room. 

"Why was he out riding, Amanda? I told you he was afraid of horses!" Brian asked, pacing the room. 

"You didn't say he was afraid, you just said he hadn't ridden. He was doing fine until the horse threw him off!" Amanda explained. Nick had been riding very well, she was impressed. 

"Nick is terrified of horses. When we went to Kentucky, he nearly got trampled when he was hanging out inthe barn and never went near a horse again." Brian protested. 

"Brian, I'm telling you. He rode just fine...he was having fun until he fell." Amanda said as the doctor walked into the room. 

"Mrs. Carter?" the doctor said. Amanda smiled. It would be hard getting used to hearing that, but she loved it already. 

"Not yet, I am his fiancé." she corrected him. 

"Mr. Carter is going to be just fine. He has no serious injuries, just a mild concussion. Just don't let him go to sleep for a few hours and have him take it easy tonight.". Dr. Johnson instructed. 

"He is able to come home?" Amanda asked, feeling relieved. 

"We are discharging him shortly, you can go see him in the emergency room." the doctor replied. Amanda and Brian went to Nick's bed where he had just finished getting dressed. He kissed Amanda on the cheek and hugged her gently, his back was sore. 

"Hi baby. You gave us quite a scare back there." she said, smiling. 

"I'm okay, they are sending me home." Nick replied. Brian told them he had go leave and get ready for work so he left after telling Nick he was glad nothing was wrong. 

"Amanda, I got a confession....I don't really know how to ride." Nick said sheepishly, his face pink as he looked down at his feet. 

"You were doing fine, why didn't you tell me the truth?" 

"I took a few lessons, I guess I just wasn't ready. I wanted to stop being afraid....I'm tired of feeling weak." 

"Nick, you're not weak. You made it through 10 years of abuse from your mother. That shows a lot of strength. You stood up to Lance, and you rode a horse even though you're scared of them. You're far from weak." Amanda said, smiling at him. Nick nodded and grinned, still feeling embarrassed. 

"You don't have to do everything I do, baby. I still love you." she added. 

"I know, let's go home." Nick said, because the nurse gave him the discharge papers. Once they got home, Amanda wouldn't let him sleep...so they went over wedding plans as Nick laid on the couch. 

"So who do you want as your groomsmen?" Amanda asked. Kevin was coming over the next day and she wanted to make sure this was settled so they could decide on the bridesmaid's dresses. 

"Uh....Brian and AJ of course." Nick replied. Amanda had figured that he would use them...Brian and AJ were his two best friends. Brian was his best man at his first wedding. 

"I would like JC too, if he isn't touring....and Lance." This answer surprised her. She was not expecting Nick to want Lance of all people in the wedding party. 

"Lance? Baby, are you sure?" Amanda asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, we have been hanging out a lot lately. He's a cool guy." Nick said. Amanda couldn't believe it. She never thought she would see the day that Lance and Nick were friends, as children they were enemies and as adults too. 

"I hope JC can make it, I have to call him late tonight. He's in Japan right now on a promotional tour." Nick said thoughtfully. JC Chasez was Nick's best famous friend, he had met him when he recorded his first album and they were inseparable. The two of them were very much alike. 

"So who is the best man?" Amanda asked, jarring him out of his thoughts. This was a descision Nick was not looking forward to, because AJ and Brian were his two choices. AJ had done so much for him and his daughter, but Brian had known him longer. 

"I have no idea. It's between Brian and AJ. I can't choose." Nick said, sitting up. His back felt stuff and he winced as he did so. 

"Okay, we can leave that for now then...but you have to decide soon." Amanda reminded him. Nick sighed, if it wasn't one thing...it was another. Nick wondered if his life would ever stop being so complicated, but then reminded himself that he was famous.....it was just the beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

Ever since Nick had mentioned that he was choosing best man for the wedding, AJ had been trying to think of ways to make Nick pick him. The day after he heard the news, AJ saw Brian stop by to take Nick to a basketball game. He heard Nick saying he had no idea why Brian would pay when he could easily get the tickets for free. 

"I know what you're up to..." AJ said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. 

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked. 

"You're trying to make Nick pick you for best man." AJ smirked, walking over. Brian looked confused, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Nick is gonna pick me, I'm his best friend." he said. Brian was confident in his being the best man at Nick and Amanda's wedding simply because he had known them longer and as he said, was Nick's best friend. 

"Don't be too sure," AJ replied with a smug grin.   
"Oh really? Wanna bet?" Brian whispered, his face within an inch of AJ's sunglasses. 

"This should be sweet. I bet you 100 bucks that Nick chooses me over you." AJ chuckled, jabbing his finger into Brian's shoulder. 

"Bring it on." Brian said smirking. He loved competition, it reminded him of his days on the basketball team, when he felt invincible. Nick came up to them, wondering what they were discussing. 

"I'm ready, let's hit it." Nick said casually. Brian followed Nick out of the house, smiling as he went. 

"Two can play at this game." AJ said to himself as the door closed. The next day, Amanda and Nick came home from rehearsal very tired and both in need of naps before dinner. 

"I am telling you one thing I'm not doing today, baby." Nick said wearily as they walked up to the front door. 

"What's that?" Amanda asked, yawning. She had been at the club early that morning doing inventory, which took her hours. 

"I am NOT cleaning the damn....house?" Nick said as he opened the door to a sparkling clean living room. Nick walked around in awe, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock. The house even smelled clean....everything was in its place and not a speck of dirt was to be found. 

"Oh my god....its clean...but who?" Amanda asked, her expression matching her fiancé's. Nick had been ready to come home to a mess, especially when AJ was babysitting Celine and his brother. Aaron tended to be messy and not pick up after himself, Nick was trying to teach him better. 

Nick walked into the kitchen, and to his and Amanda's shock....AJ was on his hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor as Nick did. 

"Jay?" Nick stuttered in disbelief. 

"Just figured I would give you a break. Go on and take a nap....you look tired. I will take care of everything." AJ said warmly, standing up. Nick looked at Amanda, dumbfounded. He couldn't even speak, he was so shocked to see AJ cleaning. Muttering to himself, Nick walked up to his room rubbing his head in confusion. 

"I think you broke him," Amanda commented, laughing. 

"I been cleaning all day....man I'm tired." AJ said, emptying the cleaning bucket into the sink. 

"I just never thought I would see this day...I'm so proud of you!" Amanda said, pretending to cry as she stretched out her arms to hug him. 

"Ha Ha, very funny Amanda." AJ quipped. Nick and Amanda went upstairs to lay down. The next day.... Nick had just finished spending the last two hours arguing with Howie, his manager about touring or the possibility of a small US tour. He was stressed beyond belief and warned Amanda ahead of time that he was in a bad mood. 

"I'll take care of dinner, baby." Amanda said over the phone. After hanging up she headed to the kitchen but was met with Aaron. 

"I'm sorry, the kitchen is closed..." he said, stretching his arms so they blocked her from coming in. 

"Aaron, what are you talking about?" Amanda asked. 

"AJ is cooking dinner." the boy said. Amanda was shocked...AJ never cooked, it was common knowledge that he couldn't make toast. 

"Well keep the fire extinguisher ready." she commented. By the time Nick came home, dinner was ready and he could smell it from the living room. 

"Wow what is that?" Nick asked as he came into the kitchen. The table was set and at each plate was a personal pizza. Several bowls at the middle contained toppings so everybody could choose what they wanted on their pizza. 

"Come on guys, dig in." AJ said, looking at Nick expectantly. Nick's eyes shifted to Amanda, his face fearful. Aaron immediately began eating and everyone watched, looking for signs of illness. When nothing happened, Nick began eating. After all was said and done, everybody was full. 

"That was amazing, Jay!" Nick commented, patting his stomach and sighing happily. AJ smirked, beating Brian would be a snap. The next afternoon, Nick was on his way to rehearsal when he looked up and saw a cop car in his rear view mirror. To his surprise, his speedometer read 80mph. 

"Oh fucking hell." Nick groaned when the sirens started. He pulled over and rolled down his window, waiting for the officer to come over. 

"I'msosorryofficerI'm latetorehearsaland..." Nick said quickly without looking up. 

"License and registration pl....oh hello, Nick." the officer said. Nick thought it was strange to hear his name so he looked up to find Brian smiling at him. Nick quietly handed him his information. 

"Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Brian asked, still smiling. Nick rubbed his forehead, feeling stressed. 

"No..." he lied. 

"You were doing 80 in a 40, Nick." Brian told him.   
"Amanda is going to flip. I'm already late." Nick muttered. 

"Are you going to rehearsal?" Brian asked calmly. Nick wondered why he wasn't taking his license and arresting him by now. 

"Yes, I'm like a half hour late now." he replied, not looking forward to the mood Amanda was going to be in when he saw her.   
"Go on, you don't want to make her any angrier." Brian chuckled, handing Nick back his information.

"But....no ticket???" Nick asked in surprise. 

"Get out of here before I arrest you for disobeying an officer." Brian quipped. Nick took off slowly to the club, still in disbelief and wondering what had just happened.


	9. Chapter 9

Nick walked into the nightclub a half hour late and still in a daze about Brian letting him off for the ticket. Amanda looked angry, her arms crossed and tapping her shoe. 

"Ohhhh someones in trouble..." Skye teased, waving her drumsticks at him. Nick smiled and laughed to play it off. 

"Hi baby..." he said nervously. 

"Nick....you're late again!" Amanda shouted in frustration. 

"I have a very good explanation for why I'm late." he said, wincing as she yelled. 

"This better be good, you're a half hour late! I thought we talked about this!!" Amanda snapped.   
"I kind of got pulled over on the way here." Nick said sheepishly, grinning to show her the humor in the situation. Amanda looked less than amused with her fiancé. 

"YOU WHAT??? What was it for this time?" she screamed, rubbing her forhead in frustration. Nick had a bad habit of getting pulled over for various things. Nick didn't meet her eyes, he looked at his feet and mumbled, his face red with embarrassment. 

"NICK!!" Amanda said, stomping her foot. 

"Okay....I got pulled over for speeding." Nick told her, still not meeting her face with his. He felt horrible, he had promised Amanda that he would be careful driving...he had a bad habit of texting in the car as well as speeding. 

"How fast?" 

"I was doing 80 in a 45." Nick whispered. He thought Amanda was going to explode, she got so angry she was shaking. 

"Nick, do you realize they can take away your license for that?! You could get killed doing that speed, and your Ferarri would be totaled." Amanda yelled. 

"Baby, nothing happened. I am not gonna get into an accident. Besides, it was Brian who pulled me over." Nick said calmly. 

"So how bad of a ticket did you get?" she demanded. Amanda expected the worst, that Nick got in big trouble and had his license taken away. 

"He let me go...no warning, no ticket." Nick said, still awe of the whole thing. 

"He....he let you go? Is he crazy? Brian can get fired for letting you go like that!" Amanda exclaimed. She had caught on to Brian and AJ competing to be best man and it was going too far now. 

"Nick, have you decided on who is your best man for the wedding?" Amanda asked, trying to calm herself down after the tirade. Nick began to tune his guitar, strumming and adjusting the knobs at the top of it.

"I was thinking about AJ....I mean...Brian was the best man when I married Tracy. He has helped so much with the kids....he helps Aaron with his homework and has been there for me through a lot of things....but like I said, I haven't decided yet." he replied thoughtfully. 

"Well, let me know your decision because Kevin needs to know so we can arrange everything." Amanda suggested. Nick finished tuning the guitar and they began rehearsal. Later that day, Brian came by the house looking frustrated. 

"Hey Bri." Amanda said, adjusting the baby hanging on her hip. Celine was being fussy and tugging gently on her hair. 

"Celine...honey...mommy isn't a toy." Amanda sighed as she tugged the baby's hand from her long brown hair. 

"Are you sure you're not Nick's toy?" Brian grinned. 

"Brian! That isn't funny." Amanda said, pretending to be offended as she let him into the house and laughed, putting Celine into the playpen. 

"She's getting big." Brian observed, watching her become fascinated with a toy in her playpen, a stuffed dog. 

"Yeah she is. She is definitely a handful sometimes." Amanda said. 

"Like her dad." Brian chuckled, sitting down on the couch. 

"So Brian, you wanna tell me why you let Nick off for speeding?" Amanda asked, changing the subject. 

"Oh...I wanted to talk to you about that actually. You see....I pull Nick over at least once a week for speeding and using his phone while behind the wheel." 

"I told him about that. He has to be more careful..."   
"Maybe you could help him see how dangerous this is, because I can't keep waiving tickets. I'm going to lose my job." Brian warned. 

"Look, my idea was that if he doesn't watch what he is doing on the road, and gets pulled over one more time.....I'm becoming a nun." 

"Wow! You're gonna take away his sexy time?" Brian laughed. Nick often referred to sex as "sexy time" after he saw the movie Borat.

"I think this will work. Don't worry, Brian. I will make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Amanda promised. Brian left and Nick came home soon after with Aaron. Later that night, they were laying in bed together cuddling. Nick kissed her neck, his lips moving down to her bare shoulder. 

"Baby...." Amanda said suddenly, and he stopped, looking down at her. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nick, I want you to promise me you will be more careful....you have had a lot of close calls lately. The horse accident scared me...I don't want to lose you." Amanda said, her voice breaking. 

"Amanda, I'm not going anywhere." Nick whispered. 

"Nick, I'm serious. You have almost died one too many times, your luck is gonna run out and I can't live without you. Please promise me." she pleaded. Nick was silent for a few moments before he kissed her gently on the cheek.

"If you're going to be late to rehearsal, just call me. No more speeding." 

"I promise." he whispered. Nick kept to that promise for the next few weeks, following all the traffic rules and going the speed limit. It was like he made a full turnaround in his habits. Almost a month into his promise, Nick was on his way to rehearsal when he looked at the clock and realized he was going to be late. 

"Hi, baby. What's up?" Amanda said, her voice coming over the speaker phone. 

"I'm running late, I'm gonna be there after two." Nick said, stopping at the red light.

"Ok, I will see you soon." Amanda replied. 

"Ditto. Love you." Nick told her before hanging up. It was then that he looked up and saw the car coming at him....


	10. Chapter 10

"Where could he be?" Amanda asked, pacing the main floor of the nightclub and checking her watch. The band was starting to get impatient as well waiting for their singer to arrive, who was now almost an hour late. 

"I think your fiancé needs to define what a few minutes is," Skye teased, flipping her magenta streaked hair out of her eyes. She and Nick had a love hate relationship....she often teased him, which was her favorite activity. 

"Skye, he has never been this late before. I'm getting worried." Amanda said softly, calling Nick's phone. It went straight to voicemail, and even that was unusual. Nick always kept his phone on because he was always on the move, and in case of a family emergency at home. 

"I'm sure Carter is fine, you're just being paranoid." Skye replied, sitting behind the drumkit and twirling the drumsticks. Amanda called Nick's phone once more and groaned when he did not answer. He was not answering any text messages either....something was definitely wrong, she could sense it. 

"No, Skye. He always answers his phone." she said, her eyes watering in frustration. She looked at the door, half hoping that he was going to walk in just then. Amanda wasn't even mad anymore...all she wanted was to know if her fiancé was safe. All of a sudden her phone rang. Amanda answered it but it was just AJ. 

"There is a bad car accident up the road from the club...traffic is all backed up." 

"Thanks for telling me, Jay...but I have more important things to worry about at the moment. Have you heard from Nick at all?" Amanda asked...her voice breaking again. Nick was going on two hours late now. 

"He should be at rehearsal....are you ok?" AJ asked, noticing the tone in her voice. 

"Nick hasn't shown up yet and he won't answer his phone...I'm really worried that something bad happened to him." 

"Amanda, I'm sure he is fine. I'm on my way home now anyway. If he is there I will call you." AJ replied before hanging up. Amanda felt like punching a wall....she was so frustrated with everything. She was about to dial the phone again when AJ called again. 

"What's up, Jay?" she asked, feeling excited and hoping for some news. 

"The hospital called...you have to go down there." Amanda's heart sank...she was hoping it wasn't Nick but pushed that thought out of her mind to keep herself together. 

"Thanks, AJ. Just keep me updated." she said in a hollow voice. 

"I don't think he is coming, sweetie." Skye said, appearing next to her with a hand on her shoulder. 

"Rehearsal is canceled. I will have him call you when we find him." Amanda said. She walked to her car, but she was so stressed that her hands were shaking. Not knowing what had happened was killing her...she becamed so overwhelmed that once she closed the car door, Amanda leaned against the steering wheel and simply cried. After a while, she dried her eyes and headed home. Just down the street from the nightclub, there was a car accident....both cars were totaled and it was being cleaned up. She received another call that Aaron was still at the school and needed to be picked up. After calling AJ again, Amanda drove to the hospital. She found Brian standing in the lobby waiting for her.   
"Amanda....thank god you're here." he said, his voice breaking as well. He looked incredibly distraught, his face pale. 

"What's going on? The hospital wouldn't tell me." she said as they embraced. 

"Nick....he...you might want to sit down." Brian said softly, leading her to an empty chair. 

"Tell me what's going on!" Amanda demanded, about to cry again. She felt her stomach churn...she wasn't ready for this news, and by the look on Brian's face, he wasn't ready to tell her.


	11. Chapter 11

"Brian, just tell me." Amanda begged, sitting down in the lobby of the hospital. Brian would not look into her eyes, as his own were tearing. 

"TELL ME...." she demanded.

"Nick...he's been in a car accident." Brian whispered, his voice cracking. He could barely hold his own composure and Amanda was sure that if he cried in front of her she would lose it. 

"Not the one that was by the club....please don't let it be that one." she begged. It was a horrible accident, there was blood and glass everywhere and both cars were completely totaled. 

"I'm....I'm afraid it was." Brian croaked, letting the tears fall. He had seen Nick in the car, blood coming from a wound on his head....trapped.

"No..." Amanda whispered, her hands shaking....her chest feeling tight. 

"I'm sorry....but I was there. They had to cut the car open to get Nick out....there was blood everywhere..." Brian sobbed. Amanda shook her head in protest, hoping she would wake up and it would be a nightmare, but it wasn't. The reality had hit her...Nick was hurt. 

"I want to see him." she said firmly, still not shedding tears. 

"It won't be pretty....he is up in ICU. They had to do surgery on him....he has two cracked ribs and it caused internal bleeding." 

"I need to see him, Bri." Amanda interrupted. Brian nodded, wiping his face before leading her upstairs to Nick's room. He was closed off from the other patients for security, and someone was stationed outside of his room. 

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Brian asked, sounding as if he wasn't ready to see Nick himself. Amanda nodded and they both went into the room. She gasped as they neared the bed...she barely recognized him. Nick's face was scratched, his forehead covered in bandages. His right arm was in a sling and his left leg was in a cast....a brace around his neck. He looked extremely pale, except for all the scrapes covering his body. Amanda opened her mouth to speak but a strangled noise came out and she began to sob uncontrollably. 

"Shhhh, it will be okay...." Brian reassured her. Once she had calmed down, Amanda noticed he was not moving. 

"Amanda, there is something else about Nick you should know." Brian started. Amanda closed her eyes, her chest beating rapidly...fearing the worst. 

"Nick's in a coma." 

"WHAT??" Amanda gasped, her eyes watering again. 

"He's in a coma...he suffered a major concussion and they had him on anesthesia for the surgery...the combination of them caused him to slip into a coma. The doctors won't tell me anything, I don't know if or when he will wake up."   
"Nick....oh god, Nick..." Amanda muttered as she went to the bed and held his hand, kissing it gently. It was cold and lifeless. 

"The paramedics said he should have died in that accident. He was barely breathing when they pulled him out." 

"He's fighting, Bri. He's fighting to come back to me. Nick's in there...I know he will wake up." Amanda said slowly. 

"But....but what if he doesn't?" Brian asked, not wanting to know the answer. 

"We need to find out if he has a living will.....what his wishes are." Amanda said thoughtfully. She placed a call to Nick's lawyer, Michelle. She had been with Nick since the start of his career. 

"Michelle, who did he leaven charge of his medical descisions? He doesn't really have any family." Amanda said. She knew Nick had a father, but he had been absent since they met a few months ago. 

"Nick has left you in charge of his medical descisions as well as making you the executor of his will." Michelle said, looking over his file. Amanda was shocked, and Brian simply stared at her. 

"Me? He left me in charge of his life?" she gasped. 

"He made the will out at 19 years of age. It states that Amanda is to be in charge of all medical descisions and if he should be declared brain dead....to remove him from life support." Michelle replied. Amanda looked at Nick, her mind racing. He had trusted her with his life at 19 years old, before they had even dated. 

"Thank you, Michelle." Amanda said once the lawyer finished going over Nick's will.

"Wow, he trusted you with that at 19?" Brian muttered, watching Nick in the bed. 

"He really did love me, Brian....even that young. Nick knows I would do what is best for him and respect his wishes." Amanda replied with a smile. 

"That's love right there." Brian agreed. Amanda took Nick's hand and kissed it again, then moved some stray hair out of his face. He did not move but she just wanted him to feel her touch, maybe he would find his way back. 

"He will wake up, I know it. All we have to do now is wait." Amanda said as she sat down again next to the bed, with only the sound of Nick's heart monitor to break the silence.


	12. Chapter 12

Amanda sat in the hospital room watching Nick's chest rise and fall with his heartbeat. Silent tears fell down her pale face as she looked at the man in front of her....her best friend...her lover....her world. He was laying there helpless, fighting for his life, and there was nothing she could do but watch. After a while, she left the room to go walk down the hallway for a bit, wiping her eyes so nobody would see her. Amanda didn't want anyone to see her like this. Her cell phone rang just as she stepped out of Nick's room. 

"Amanda? Where is Nick?" an angry man asked on the other end. 

"Oh hello, Howie." she replied, embarrassed that she had not called him. Looking at her watch, she realized that it was three in the afternoon and Nick had missed his appointments for the day. 

"Nick has not made it to any of the interviews he had scheduled this morning, and he is not answering his phone." Howie scolded her. Amanda felt herself wanting to cry again, but took a breath and calmed down. 

"His phone was destroyed in the car accident, Howie. Nick won't be coming to his appointments as he is in a coma." she said, her voice strained. 

"Coma? What happened?" Howie asked, concerned. He was Nick's manager but was more caring than the last one had been.

"Nick was in a horrible accident, his car flipped three times and hit a telephone pole. They had to cut him out of the car, the paramedics thought he was dead when they pulled him out. He had internal bleeding and two cracked ribs, a broken arm and leg, and a bruised neck." Amanda explained slowly. It was hitting her again, the pain in her chest as she thought of Nick laying in the car after the accident, his head lolling to the side like a rag doll....blood streaming from a wound in his forehead. The hot tears fell again as she sniffed and wiped her eyes. 

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry....but he will be all right. I will take care of everything, no worries. You just concentrate on helping him wake up." Howie said kindly before they hung up. Amanda walked back to the room and just before she went inside she met AJ in the hallway. He was standing there with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, his head tilted down towards his feet. 

"AJ....who's watching the kids?" Amanda asked. 

"Oh. Brian came by to give me a break, he said I could take a few hours...so I decided to come here. How you holding up?" AJ asked. 

"As good as can be expected under the circumstances, Jay. Nick hasn't woken up yet." Amanda told him, her eyes watering again. The two of them went into the room and stood near the bed. Amanda took Nick's hand and kissed it to let him know she was there. AJ stood near the end of the bed, unsure about going any closer. Nick still looked bad even a day later, he looked like he wasn't alive. 

"Hey...Kaos," he finally muttered, walking up next to the bed. He put his hand on Nick's head and then removed it. 

"Jay?" Amanda asked when he had grown silent. She moved closer and saw tears falling under the rim of his sunglasses, and it broke her heart to see AJ cry. She put an arm around him and they embraced for a moment, the both of them crying. 

"He didn't deserve this, Amanda. Nick should not be in this bed." AJ stated after a few moments. 

"I know, AJ. The lady who hit him died on impact. Brian said Nick should be dead too, but by some miracle he was still breathing when they pulled him out." Amanda explained, sniffling. 

"Kind of puts things into perspective, how one decision you make can be the difference between life and death..." AJ whispered, looking at Nick. He removed his sunglasses and wiped his brown eyes again. Amanda had never seen him without the sunglasses before, and thought he had very nice eyes. AJ was handsome when he cleaned up. 

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked as she watched him pace the room. 

"Nick switched cars before the accident. He was going to pick Aaron up, that's why he was in the SUV." AJ told her. Amanda gasped, it had been the SUV that saved his life....Brian told her that had Nick been in the Ferrari he would be dead.   
"If he had gotten Aaron, he would have been in the car...oh my god." Amanda said, sitting down.

"Nick never picks up Aaron in the Ferrari. That's what saved his life, a last minute decision to pick up his brother from school because I was running late." AJ explained shakily. Amanda was floored as she looked again to Nick, who lay motionless nearby. 

"That's why he switched cars...oh my god, Jay. Nick switched cars because you couldn't pick up Aaron!" she said softly. So much information played into the accident and it all made sense now. Every choice Nick had made the day of the car accident was a factor in his survival. 

"That SUV saved his life. I passed by that accident....it was awful. Glass and blood everywhere." AJ replied as his voice broke again. 

"Jay....its gonna be ok...we have to stay positive for him. He can hear us, you know." Amanda said, hugging him. After AJ left, she was alone in the room with Nick, the sound of his heart monitor to keep him company. Amanda fell asleep in the chair next to Nick's bed, her hand resting on top of his. She slept half the night this way, until about four in the morning she felt something move under her hand. Amanda opened her eyes groggily, staring up at his face. She was stunned to see his eyes open....a pair of crystal blue eyes staring back at her. Amanda let a gasp of shock escape her, she fully awake now...not blinking in case it was a dream. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and she knew he would be okay.


	13. Chapter 13

"Oh my god....Nick..." Amanda whispered, her eyes tearing as she looked desperately for the call button to get the nurse's desk. Nick's eyes watched her fumble for the button near his bed, wide and fearful. She finally found it, then held her fiancé's hand...kissing it gently. Amanda was crying tears of happiness as the nurse came in. 

"My, my. He's awake...let me get the doctor right away to look him over." the nurse said with a smile. 

"Thank god....you're gonna be okay, baby. Everything will be okay..." she said, more to reassure herself more than him. Nick's doctor came into the room and removed his breathing tube...Nick immediately coughed, and it was the best sound Amanda had heard in three days...it made her smile, tears still rolling down her face. Once the doctors had left the room, the two of them were finally alone....neither of them spoke for quite a while until he turned and looked at her, his eyes watering. 

"Hey..." he said weakly. Nick's voice was very hoarse, his neck strained.   
"Hey..." Amanda sobbed, grinning from ear to ear as she cried, his hand in her own as she kissed it over and over again. 

"Don't cry, baby...I'm here..." Nick whispered, now beginning to cry himself. The two of them sobbed quietly together for a few moments. 

"God, Nick....it feels so good to hear your voice again...I never thought you would wake up, but I prayed you might." Amanda replied, touching his bruised face with her hand. He smiled at her, ignoring the stabbing pains in his chest from the broken ribs. Nick felt very uncomfortable and stiff in the hospital bed...his whole body ached, especially his head and chest. He was alarmed to see that he had a broken arm and leg as well. 

"What happened to me?" he asked, blinking at his casts. The neck brace tugged at his skin, he felt hot under the bandages covering his head. 

"You don't remember, baby? You were in a car accident..." Amanda whispered, moving strands of hair out of his face. 

"All I remember is talking to you on the phone, I looked up and saw a car coming at me....I put my arms up in front of my face...then I blacked out." he explained shakily. Amanda could hear the tires screeching in the back of her mind and the sound of the woman's car impacting with Nick's....the window breaking in and cutting his face. 

"I'm so sorry, baby...I'm so sorry this happened..." Nick said tearfully. 

"Sweetheart, I am not mad at you. You're lucky to be alive right now. Everyone agrees you should have died....but you're here." Amanda grinned. 

"Everything hurts..." he muttered, as a sharp pain stabbed him in his abdomen. 

"Okay...I will get the doctor to give you some pain meds." Amanda said. After his medication was given to him, Nick sighed with content. 

"Nick...I'm so proud of you...you have come such a long way already in the past two days." 

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere, remember? They have to take me kicking and screaming first." Nick said hoarsely with a small grin. 

"I'm so happy you're awake..." Amanda smiled. Now that Nick was awake, it was time to go home and check on the rest of the family. Amanda went home and heard Aaron yelling from the kitchen. 

"I HATE YOU!!!" the boy shouted, slamming the door and running up the stairs. Amanda walked into the kitchen where she saw AJ at the table, his head buried in his hands. 

"What happened, AJ?" she asked. 

"The kid took a swing at me." AJ said bluntly, rubbing his forehead. 

"He what?" Amanda asked in surprise. Aaron was not usually violent or known for going around punching people. 

"Aaron has been angry because I kept him out of school and took away his computer. I cut him off from everything so he couldn't find out about Nick being in the accident. You told me not to tell him, remember?" AJ replied. 

"Yes, I did tell you that....by why did Aaron try to hit you?" Amanda asked. 

"He was asking me about Nick. I wouldn't tell him so he got pissed and tried to punch me. That kid has a mean swing." AJ told her. Amanda smiled at a memory...one of Nick finally standing up to Lance and knocking him out cold a long time ago. It was funny how he and his brother were so similar. 

"I will talk to him, Nick finally woke up today so I can tell him everything." 

"Nick's awake? That's awesome!" AJ said, grinning from ear to ear. 

"That's why I came home. Nick is awake and talking, but we are not out of the woods yet. He has a long way to go before he can come home." Amanda explained. 

"Aaron will be happy to hear that. He's been so angry and moody lately it's hard to get through to the kid at all. He has a lot of pent up anger. Was Nick like that at this age?" AJ asked. 

"No, Nick was very quiet....he didn't really express anything. Aaron is the opposite when it comes to controlling his anger. I will talk to him." Amanda said, before heading upstairs. She could hear the 12 year old crying before she even reached the room to knock on the door. 

"Aaron?" she said, rapping gently on the door. She heard him sobbing quietly in his room and the sound reminded her of Nick so many years ago. 

"Go away..." his muffled voice shouted. Something soft hit the door, a pillow she guessed. 

"Aaron it's me...Amanda." she said, knocking again. The door unlocked and opened. Aaron stood in front of her, his blonde hair in disarray, his eyes red and bloodshot from crying. He immediately wrapped his arms around her waist and cried. 

"Oh Aaron....its ok..I'm here." Amanda said softly, rubbing his back and leading him into the room. He had Nick's old bedroom, it was almost the same as it had been when he lived there. Aaron wasn't as neat as Nick...his room clearly made the statement that a young boy lived there. 

"I'm so glad you're home..." Aaron said as he wiped his eyes again. 

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, sitting down on the bed. 

"Where is my brother? Why didn't he pick me up....AJ won't tell me anything." Aaron replied.   
"Look, before I tell you...I know what you did to AJ. I never want to hear about you hitting someone again, no matter how mad you were...its wrong." she said sternly. The boy nodded, feeling ashamed. 

"I'm so sorry...I'm sorry!" he said, crying again. 

"Honey, its okay. Nobody is angry with you. You were upset." 

"Where is Nick?" 

"Your brother had an accident, he was hurt pretty badly." Amanda said, not sure if she could stand telling the story again, her heart was already breaking. 

"Is he gonna be okay? When is he coming home-"

"He was in a coma for two days....he's pretty banged up. I told AJ not to tell you because I wanted to tell you myself. Your brother won't be himself for a while, he's really hurting right now." she interrupted, her eyes watering. 

"Why did this happen? My brother doesn't deserve this.....I want to go see him!" Aaron said in frustration. 

"I know, sweetheart...but you can't....I can't let you see him the way he is right now." Amanda said.   
"He is gonna be okay, isn't he?" Aaron asked again, tears streaming down his face. 

"He woke up today, so things are looking better." Amanda replied, as Aaron hugged her. 

"I can't lose him.....he is my only family....I just got him back..." the boy cried. 

"I know, Aaron...." she whispered, rubbing his back gently once more. 

"If something happens to him...where would I go?" Aaron asked suddenly, his brown eyes staring up at her. 

"We will always be here for you....but it might not be a bad idea to find out." Amanda replied, making a mental note to talk to Michelle later. Aaron was still a minor and Nick was his guardian, they had not planned on who would be in charge of the boy should Nick be unable to care for him. She stayed with Aaron until he calmed down, then left him to her thoughts and went to see her daughter. The little girl looked so much like Nick, and she felt herself start to cry again. She just wished everything would go back to normal.


	14. Chapter 14

Amanda took a hot shower after talking to Aaron, and she could not wait to sleep in a real bed. For the last few nights she had slept in a chair next to Nick's bed...waiting for him to wake up. Now that her fiancé had come out of the coma, she didn't need to be at the hospital so much. She planned on visiting him the next morning, to check up and see how he was feeling. After putting the baby to bed, Amanda slipped into her pajamas and walked into the bedroom, her pink slippers warming her feet. The bed had not been made since the day of the accident. Amanda laid in bed and rolled to her side....that's when she smelled it. Nick's cologne lingered on the pillowcases and sheets. It suddenly hit her full force. Nick was not coming home that night. In fact, he wouldn't be home for quite awhile and that meant Amanda was on her own. She grabbed onto the pillow and sat up, burying her face in it and simply drinking his scent in...before it turned into heaving sobs. She cried and cried, hot tears streaming down her face.   
"Oh God, Nick....why?" she asked out loud, without meaning to. His scent washed over Amanda, her heart aching for him. She felt helpless...she had always been there to protect Nick from harm, and the one time she wasn't there he nearly died. Amanda felt horrible, her chest hurt as she cried. 

"Amanda?" a voice called from the doorway. It was Aaron, his blonde head poking through the door. She didn't answer him, she just cried louder. Moments later...Aaron returned with AJ, who held her in his arms and attempted to calm her. 

"Amanda, what's wrong?" AJ asked softly, rubbing her back. 

"Nick..." was all she could get out before burying her head in his shoulder and crying again. 

"Nick's gonna be okay, Amanda." AJ responded. Amanda shook her head and cried louder. 

"Aaron, call Brian." the boy ran to call Brian, who was off duty at the time. Brian rushed over and came into the room. Amanda was hugging Nick's pillow and crying uncontrollably into it. 

"Sweetheart, its okay. Shhhh..." Brian said, his arms around her and rubbing her shoulder. 

"He's not coming home, Brian...." she whispered finally, her face buried in his chest. Brian reminded her so much of Nick....they were so much alike. She calmed down a bit, feeling safe with him there. 

"Amanda, he will get better..." Brian started. Amanda looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes. She had only seen him cry once....and it shocked her to see him crying in front of her again. 

"Brian?" 

"I was there....I didn't do anything....this is my fault..." Brian said suddenly. 

"Oh, don't blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done." 

"I know. That's why this is so hard for me." Brian sniffed. When he closed his eyes, he could see Nick laying in the wreckage, blood coming from a wound on his head...his face drained of color. Brian had tried to see if he could help, but in the end he couldn't   
because Nick was trapped so much that the police who arrived had to cut the car open to remove his body. The paramedics were saying he was dead but one of them had detected a faint pulse. Brian would never forget looking at his best friend like that. 

"Don't beat yourself up. You did the right thing and called for help, it saved his life. You're a hero." Amanda said as they embraced. Brian cracked a slight grin. 

"You gonna be okay?" he asked, wiping his eyes.

"Can you stay with me tonight? I'm not ready to be alone just yet." Amanda replied. Brian was shocked when she opened the covers for him and laid down. He felt his heart beat a little quicker in his chest, and he thought back to when they had broken up. Brian was not over Amanda yet, and she was asking him to stay the night in bed with her. He didn't feel comfortable, Nick was his best friend...this was Nick's fiancé and his bedroom. 

"Sure, I will stay." Brian said, smiling warmly at her. He lay in bed next to her, trying not to get too close. Brian kept thinking about Nick in the hospital bed...and hoped he was not in pain that night.


	15. Chapter 15

"Amanda, are you okay?" Aaron asked when she sat down at the table for breakfast the next morning. 

"I'm fine." Amanda said stiffly, eating her cereal. She missed Nick making breakfast in the morning, Today was Thursday and he usually made french toast....it made her heart ache for him again. She could easily cook herself, but it was more special that Nick cooked for her. Amanda didn't want anyone to see her as weak as she had been the night before....she decided it was better to act as if nothing was wrong. Yes, denial was working for her. 

"Are you going to see him today?" AJ asked, looking at her over the rim of his sunglasses. She seemed sad but hid it well. 

"Yes, AJ. I promised him I would." Amanda replied. After breakfast, she drove over to the hospital where Nick lay awake in bed waiting for her. He smiled slightly as she came in. Nick's face was still a bit swollen and the bruising looked worse than last night when he had woken up. 

"Hi baby." Nick said when he saw her. Amanda kissed his forehead and sat down next to him. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked, looking him over. She could tell by the look in his eyes he was in pain, but he was trying to be strong for her. 

"I'm okay..." he told her softly. He didn't want to tell her that every time he woke up he cried because the pain was so bad...he ached all over and his chest felt like he had swallowed knives. 

"Nick, I have something to ask you. Aaron wanted to know what would happen to him if something took you away from us. Who would take guardianship of him?" Amanda asked, ignoring the fact that he had flat out lied to her. She wasn't mad that he had lied, but was worried about how he was dealing with the immense pain he was in. Nick was silent for a while, thinking. 

"I had decided to leave Aaron in AJ's care." Nick replied. Amanda raised an eyebrow at this. AJ was good with kids, but she couldn't see him raising a teenage boy on his own. She thought back to how AJ had changed Nick after they met, and it scared her to think about what would happen to Aaron. 

"AJ? Baby, are you sure about that?" Amanda asked, laughing. 

"Yes, I'm sure. They get along like brothers. AJ knows Aaron better than me sometimes. I could never separate them." Nick explained, wincing at the rib poking into his chest again. The stitches pulled when he laughed and his eyes watered. 

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Amanda asked again, noticing the unshed tears. 

"No....my chest hurts." Nick said finally. 

"I will have the nurse bring you some meds." Amanda said. After he had taken some pain medication, Nick seemed calmer. 

"Thank you, baby." Nick said with a smile. Amanda worried that he was taking too many pain meds and would get addicted to them...she had read about this in magazines. If he was in this kind of pain every day, she didn't like the idea of drugging him up all the time. She stayed with Nick until he finally fell into a deep sleep, his lips curved into a small grin as she kissed him gently on the forehead and went home. Every day was becoming a challenge for her to deal with this accident, but she wanted to stick it out. She loved Nick so much that she didn't care how banged up or hurt he was, she wanted to support him still. Amanda went home and heard music coming from the back porch, when she looked out the kitchen window that faced the ocean she saw Aaron sitting there playing guitar. Amanda was taken back in time to when she first saw Nick singing on the porch swing, and Aaron almost looked like Nick did at 18. Although Aaron was only twelve, he was playing very well. 

"Hi, Amanda." Aaron smiled when she walked over to him and sat down, listening to him play. It was a song Nick had on his first album, Help Me. 

"You sound just like him," Amanda commented, grinning. 

"I have been trying to play....I miss the music. Nick used to let me into his studio and play around......" Aaron replied, his eyes watering a bit. 

"I know you miss him, You're not alone. I miss him....AJ does too even though he wouldn't admit that." Amanda chuckled, putting an arm around the boy as they watched some dolphins in the distance. 

"I want to see him," Aaron said, setting the guitar down. 

"Aar, I don't think its a good idea. Your brother is pretty banged up." Amanda replied. 

"I don't care what he looks like, please let me go see him! I can handle it!" Aaron shouted in frustration. He hated being left in the dark and being the only one who had not visited his brother. 

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry, but I don't think.." Amanda began, but Aaron had picked up the guitar and gone into the house, slamming the door. Amanda sighed, she hated doing this to him...keeping secrets and lying to the boy, but she knew he would not like what he saw if he visited Nick at the hospital right now. After sitting outside and thinking, Amanda finally went into the house. 

"You okay?" AJ asked, looking up from his coffee at the table. She sat down and was silent for a few moments. 

"AJ....Nick has left you in charge of Aaron."

"Me? Really?" he asked in surprise. 

"Yeah. Do you think it is a good idea for Aaron to go see Nick?" Amanda said softly. AJ took a sip from the mug and set it down, then sat back in the chair. 

"I think that if he says he is ready, Aaron is ready to see Nick." he replied. Amanda privately agreed, but she had not known the boy long enough to know how he would react once he saw Nick. That night after dinner, she heard him playing guitar again. 

"Aaron?" Amanda asked, knocking on his bedroom door. He called for her to come in and stopped playing. 

"Hey." he said, looking up . Amanda felt her eyes water at how much he sounded like Nick just then. 

"Look, I'm sorry for making you mad earlier. I had a talk with AJ and he thinks that if you feel ready to see your brother, we will visit him tomorrow." she said as she sat down on the bed.   
"Really?! Thank you!" Aaron shouted in excitement, pulling her into a hug. Amanda smiled, and hoped this would be a good visit.


	16. Chapter 16

Amanda brought Aaron to the hospital the next morning. He was excited to be seeing Nick, and was in a cheerful mood all the way there. Once they got outside of the hospital room, Amanda told Aaron to wait in the hall before she brought him in to see Nick. She heard him sniffling as she went into the room and it broke her heart to hear him crying again, but once he saw her, he stopped and acted like nothing was wrong. 

"Hi baby." he said with a sad smile. She bent down and kissed him, he touched her face with his free hand and kissed her back. 

"How are you feeling today?" Amanda asked softly once they parted. Nick could smell her perfume and drank it in, he missed being with her more than anything. Nick wanted so badly to be free of the hospital bed and back in her arms, to just be held by her again and feel her touch. He spent many hours laying in the bed, looking up at the ceiling...feeling lonely without her by his side. 

"I have a surprise for you, are you feeling up for it?" Amanda asked with a grin. Nick smiled back, the ribs poking him and he winced briefly. 

"Sure." he said. 

"Come in..." Amanda called, and Nick smiled as his brother walked slowly into the room and stopped at the foot of his bed. 

"Aaron!" he exclaimed happily, but his stomach was protesting and his stitches pulled. Nick felt a sharp pain in his back and fought off the urge to cry out. 

"Nick...is that you? You look so different." Aaron commented meekly. 

"I'm just a little broken, kiddo." Nick said with a small grin. 

"You look hurt." That is the understatement of the century, Nick thought. He put on the fakest smile he could even though his insides were screaming. 

"I'm doing better....I will be home in no time." Nick lied. He hated lying to his brother but didn't want him to worry. 

"I want you to come home..." Aaron said, and it made Nick's heart break. He missed his family more than anything and wished he could go back in time and make it so the car accident never happened. He was remembering more of it, he had woken up in the car after the crash and smelled blood, every bone in his body ached before he had passed out again. He never told this to anyone, he didn't want them to feel bad. Nick Carter hated pity. He did not like people to feel sorry for him at all. 

"Nick, don't lie to him..." Amanda said, frowning at him. Aaron's expression changed, he looked hurt and Nick felt bad. He wanted to kick himself but it would only make the pain worse. 

"You're lying?" Aaron whispered, his brown eyes tearing. Nick looked away in shame. 

"Honey...go out into the hallway for a bit." Amanda instructed. Aaron nodded and left the room to stand outside in the hallway.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Amanda asked, taking his hand in hers. Nick looked at her, tears running down his pale face. 

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have lied....but it hurts so bad..." he whispered, sobbing. 

"Oh....Nick....."

"Every day I wake up and it doesn't get any better. I go to sleep hoping to never wake up again." he said shakily. Amanda felt her own eyes water and wiped her face as she listened, his hand shaking in hers. 

"Don't wish that...I never want to hear you say that again, you understand me?" she said, trying not to sound angry at him for giving up. 

"I'm so sorry....but it doesn't get better. Every day it hurts just as bad as the first time I woke up. I wish there was something we could do." Nick sniffed. Amanda closed her eyes, she didn't want her fiance to be drugged up all the time....but there was only one other thing she knew they could do to make sure he wasn't in pain. She didn't like the idea of putting him in the induced coma, she was worried something would go wrong. 

"What? What are you thinking about?" Nick asked suddenly. Amanda looked at him, feeling horrible. 

"Baby...there is a way."

"What is it? I will do anything. I don't want to feel like this anymore!" Nick half shouted, crying.   
"Calm down, sweetheart. There is something the doctors could do, they can put you into a coma. You would be sleeping and won't feel pain, we could do it until the worst of the pain is over." Amanda said, on the verge of tears herself. Nick closed his eyes, thinking. 

"I want to do it." he said finally, wiping his eyes. His chest hurt when he cried and so did his back, but he couldn't hide it anymore and he cried out. Amanda stared at him in shock, she never pegged him as a person for giving up. 

"Baby, are you sure?" she asked, stroking his hand with her thumb. 

"I don't want to feel this anymore, baby.....please." he begged, looking at her. She nodded, and after a while the doctor had come in to review everything with them. Amanda went back out into the hallway as they prepped Nick to be put back into the coma. 

"What's going on?" Aaron asked as soon as Amanda came out. She looked down at her feet and he could see teardrops falling. The boy walked over and she felt his arms around her. 

"Nick....he's going to sleep for a while sweetheart. He is in a lot of pain." Amanda said simply. Aaron nodded, his blonde hair shielding his eyes. 

"Why did he lie?" he whispered. 

"Nick didn't want you to feel bad for him...but he is hurting. He decided to go to sleep until the pain stops." Amanda explained, sniffing. The news was hard enough to swallow without telling Aaron and hearing it a second time. 

"It will be ok, Amanda. I'm here for you." Aaron offered kindly, hugging her. The two of them went into the room where Nick was laying and almost asleep. 

"See you when I wake up." Nick said with a sad smile, he was crying too. Amanda held his hand and kissed it...tears rolling down hers and Aaron's faces. After a while Nick finally fell asleep, and they knew he was not in pain anymore. Amanda just hoped he would come back to her again....stronger than before.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been the worst two weeks of Amanda's life...waiting for Nick to wake up again. She walked down the hallway of the hospital with a sense of quiet excitement. Today was the day Nick would be brought out of the coma. The doctors were finishing as she walked into his room and Amanda took her familiar seat next to his bed, taking her hand in his.

"Come on, baby..." she whispered, kissing it gently. Nick's eyes fluttered open a while later and he smiled at her. 

"Hey." he whispered. Amanda laughed, half laughed and half cried....she was so happy to hear his voice again. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked. Nick shifted a little and yawned. 

"Like I took a really long nap." he said softly. 

"Two weeks went by quickly, baby." Amanda grinned. He looked a little better than he had been, the bruising and swelling had gone down in his neck but he looked very thin. Nick had lost a lot of weight being in the hospital. 

"I do feel a lot better though, it isn't as painful as when I woke up last time." Nick said happily. Amanda was relieved to hear this, she had been so worried about him when he told her how much his body hurt. Amanda stayed with him a few hours and then went home, feeling confident. Nick was going to get better, he was doing well already and she was happy. 

"How you feeling, buddy?" Brian asked the next day. He had come to visit on his day off to see if Nick had woken up yet.   
"Pretty good." Nick answered. His chest and stomach were sore but he still didn't feel too bad, and this made him confident he would go home in no time. 

"You should eat something..." Brian said, eyeing the food tray in front of Nick. 

"I hate hospital food. It doesn't fill me....I'm always hungry an hour later." Nick protested. He wanted real food....fried chicken...pasta...

"Hi baby." Amanda said, coming into the room and closing the door. 

"What's that smell?" Brian asked, scrunching up his nose and sniffing. Nick looked confused. Amanda took out a Burger King bag and placed it in front of him, smiling. 

"He shouldn't be eating that...." Brian scolded her. Nick grinned and took one of the hamburgers, eating and sighing contentedly. 

"I saw Nick looks a little underweight. I am just looking out for him. He needs to eat more filling foods." Amanda said, sitting down as Nick ate the french fries. 

"If the nurse saw this, she would not be happy." Brian whispered. 

"But its so goood..." Nick said with his mouth full of hamburger. 

"You shouldn't be eating this crap, its not healthy." Brian repeated. 

"He will be fine, don't be such a party pooper." Amanda quipped. She and Brian sat there for a while before Nick finished. 

"Thanks baby. You're the best." Nick said with a grin. Amanda stuffed the bag into her purse and they left him after saying goodbye. 

"How did you get that in here anyways?" Brian asked when they had reached their cars. 

"I have my ways." Amanda smiled. She came back to visit Nick again the next day, he was watching television.   
"How are you feeling today, sweetheart?" Amanda asked, kissing him on the forehead as he kissed her on the cheek. 

"Much better." Nick replied with a smile. He looked better than he had in quite a while, Amanda was very pleased at his progress. 

"Baby...can I come home? I want to come home..." Nick begged after a few moments. Amanda sat in silence...thinking. There really wasn't any more the doctors could do and Amanda felt that it would help Nick if he were near his family. 

"I will talk to the doctors and see what they think, okay?" Amanda promised. The doctor actually ended up agreeing with her and allowed Nick to be released from the hospital that afternoon. As the nurses prepared him for transport, Amanda rushed home to tell AJ the good news. 

"Jay, where are the kids?" Amanda asked. AJ walked in carrying the baby, who had her head resting on his shoulder. Amanda thought AJ looked cute with a baby girl on his hip. 

"Well this one just ate and Aaron is walking the dogs." AJ replied. Amanda and Nick had gotten dogs before the accident. Romy was Amanda's dog...a yorkshire terrier and Michelle was a golden retriever who took to Nick at once. Nick had named them Romy and Michelle after a movie. 

"Look, I want the kids out of the way when the ambulance comes....Nick is coming home." Amanda said happily. 

"Wow, that's great news!" AJ exclaimed. 

"Jay, you're gonna have to help me take care of Nick because he will be bedridden until his arm heals and he can use crutches." Amanda pointed out. She had just realized this would be a challenge, everyone would have to help take care of Nick so he would heal. 

"No problem, I can handle it..." AJ promised. Amanda looked pleased, she was so happy Nick was coming home, but at the same time she knew it would be different.


	18. Chapter 18

Brian came to visit a few days after Nick had come home from the hospital....he normally went to visit Amanda to see how she was and help out if she needed it. 

"How is everything, I bet you're glad Nick's home now....it makes things a lot easier, I'm sure." Brian said after they embraced. To his surprise , she didn't look happy at all...she had papers scattered all over the kitchen table and looked stressed. Her hair hung loose around her face and she looked tired. 

"Are you okay?" Brian asked, sitting down. The papers were various bills and documents for the nightclub Amanda owned. 

"Nick being unable to perform is hurting the club....I'm losing money." Amanda said sadly, her eyes watering. She loved the nightclub...she loved running it and everything that came with it. Amanda had seen it grow so much in the few years it had been open...and it was slowly dying.

"I'm sorry to hear that, I know how hard you work to run that club." Brian said. 

"I love Nick....this isn't about money....but the club is dying without him being there. Every week I can see it." Amanda told him, tears falling. She wiped her face and shook her head. 

"I can't believe this...I just did all the numbers. If it keeps up, the club will be closed in two weeks." Amanda said wistfully. Brian got up and hugged her again, feeling her cry into his shoulder. 

"I wish I could help you. Can't you find someone to fill Nick's spot?" he asked, handing her a tissue. 

"None of them are as good as Nick. I need someone like him, but I don't know anyone I can ask." Amanda explained. 

"What about Nick's friend...JC? He would be great." Brian offered. 

"He's touring right now. I can't ask him to drop everything and come play a little nightclub." Amanda protested sadly. She hadn't thought of asking JC, and her pride kept her from even considering the idea. She didn't want to look desperate, but her situation was not looking promising. The club was losing money daily and it killed her to the point where she didn't even want to go in anymore...she didn't want to see it empty. 

"I would help you, but I got this whole police officer thing." Brian joked, but it fell flat. 

"You sing?" Amanda asked in surprise...but then she remembered he had sung for her when they were dating. He had a good voice, but to her it didn't compare to Nick's. 

"Yeah...but not in public. My shower is very impressed with me though. Singing is Nick's thing anyways, not mine." Brian laughed softly, blushing. Amanda smiled at him, Brian was not one to show when he was embarrassed or upset, he was cute when he blushed. 

"It's okay...I just need a damn miracle." Amanda said as she walked Brian to the door. As they left the room, AJ moved from his hiding spot behind the refrigerator. He rushed upstairs to Nick's room, where Nick was fast asleep in bed due to medication. AJ looked around for Nick's phone and it was on the nightstand next to his bed. 

"Amanda needs help, come to the house as soon as you can" AJ texted before closing it and putting it back. He smiled as he closed the door....help was on the way.


	19. Chapter 19

Amanda was totally buried in paperwork in the office when Aaron poked his head in the doorway. 

"Amanda?" he asked, startling her. She had fallen asleep at the computer, her hand on the mouse and her face on a stack of papers. 

"What?" she said, practically jumping out of her seat, a paper stuck to the side of her face. She pulled it off and wiped at her cheek then fixed her hair a little so that it didn't resemble a rat's nest. 

"Someone's at the door for you." Aaron told her as he stood there giggling. Amanda was floored when she saw JC Chasez in her living room, smiling at her...his blue eyes twinkling. She had always had a crush on JC as a teenager...he was one of Nick's closest celebrity friends. 

"JC?" Amanda gasped, when he walked over to greet her. He wrapped his long arms around her and pulled her into a hug. She didn't want him to let go....he felt like Nick...and it made her miss when he held her. 

"How are you, Amanda? I just happened to be in town. I came by to see Nick." JC said, smiling. He had a perfect smile...not a tooth out of place...he was gorgeous. Amanda felt self conscious all of a sudden, her hair was a mess and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. 

"Things could be better, honestly. Nick is sleeping right now..." Amanda said, fixing her ponytail that had come undone. 

"Oh, that's too bad. How are you?" JC asked, sitting down at the kitchen table. She offered him a drink but he declined. 

"I have seen better days, JC. Between the club and Nick....the kids...it's all so hard to manage. Thank god my friends are helping me with the baby. I have so much on my plate now that Nick is home." Amanda replied with a sigh. 

"I know this must be so hard on you, with him bedridden and all. How are you managing everything?" JC asked. Amanda was trying to keep herself calm...she wanted so badly to ask him for help with the club...but she didn't want to sound desperate. 

"Sometimes I don't know...but we are all helping each other take care of Nick. He seems to be doing great now that he's home." Amanda told him, forcing a smile. 

"I'm happy to hear it. How's the club?" JC said. She was afraid he would ask about it eventually...he knew the whole story of how Nick gave it to her as a birthday present. 

"Not so good...I'm losing business with Nick unable to perform there....my sales are down and attendance is in the toilet. If it keeps up...two weeks." 

"That's too bad. You need a performer....don't you?" 

"Yes, if you know anybody who can help, it would be great." Amanda said. She saw a smile appear on his face. 

"I do know someone who could help." he said wryly, chuckling. 

"Really? That's great!" 

"Me." 

"Oh....JC...I couldn't....aren't you touring? Nick told me you were booked for the next two months." Amanda said, trying to keep her composure. She wanted to squeal with joy at the news. JC would be perfect at the club and she was a huge fan of his. She wouldn't mind watching him every night. 

"I can change all of that. Just let me know when I start and what time rehearsals are." he laughed. Amanda stood up and hugged him, not wanting to let go. 

"You are amazing, JC. Thank you so much, this means so much to me." she said happily. 

"Look, its nothing. Nick is my good friend and so are you. I don't mind helping you guys." he laughed. After JC left, Amanda cleaned the papers off the table and felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She didn't really believe it was all happening...the club was going to be okay and Nick was healing more every day. Things seemed like they were finally getting back on track.


	20. Chapter 20

"Dad?" Nick's voice came out of the open bedroom nearby as Amanda walked towards the baby's room. She was thrown off because she knew Nick had fallen asleep from the painkillers he took earlier that day. 

"Baby? Are you okay?" Amanda asked, her head in the doorway. Nick's eyes were closed and he looked upset. She neared the bed and he suddenly snapped open, holding her hand. 

"Where's my dad?" he asked again, looking at her....his eyes watering. Amanda wasn't sure how to react to this. Nick was still groggy from his medication and she was sure he didn't know what he was talking about right now. Nick's father, Bob had come back into his life a few months ago but they hadn't heard from him. Amanda knew deep down that hurt Nick, who had wanted to rebuild a relationship with him. 

"Where is my dad? Has he come by yet? What happened to him?" Nick begged. 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart...your dad hasn't been here." Amanda explained. Nick's eyes welled up with tears. 

"He hates me." he whispered. 

"Don't say that, I'm sure your father loves you." Amanda told him, her hand on his cheek, wiping the tears from his face. 

"He never wanted me, Amanda! My father never loved me. If he did, he wouldn't have left me....he would have come back." he sobbed. 

"Nick..." 

"He left me with....with her...." 

"Sweetheart, of course your dad wanted you." Amanda protested, trying to calm him. Nick didn't need to get himself worked up when his body was in this condition. He was already in enough pain as it was, there was no need for any more. 

"Then why didn't he come and see me in the hospital? Why hasn't he asked if I'm okay? I almost died....he doesn't care." Nick said, sniffing. Amanda held him, almost in tears herself. Nick had every right to be upset about his father....the man had broken his heart twice. She wished she knew how to get in touch with him, how to make him see how much he hurt Nick's feelings by walking away. Nick wanted a relationship with Bob more than anything and it had been taken away from him. She calmed him down finally enough to give him a dose of medicine and he went to sleep. Amanda felt tired as she went to the nightclub to work....JC was performing that day. She didn't go to rehearsal, he was all right without her. Amanda missed going to Nick's rehearsals, he had always valued her input and used her ideas. Nick took everybody's opinions into consideration when he performed, he was a perfectionist when it came to music. The club was somewhat busy that night, but she did miss the kind of crowd that came when Nick played. JC was older and so were his fans....Nick's fans were around Amanda's age. 

"Hello, Amanda....nice to see you again..." a voice said suddenly, jarring her from her thoughts. She was shocked to see Nick's father standing in front of her....he was handsome like Nick but had brown eyes....it was like glancing into the future. If Nick looked this good in 20 years, Amanda would be a happy woman. 

"Hello, Bob." she said gingerly, taking his hand to shake it. She wondered where he had been since he and Nick met...it had been a few months. 

"I was hoping Nick would be performing tonight, but I see you have another singer. You didn't fire him, did you?" Bob asked. Amanda laughed and shook her head. 

"Didn't you know? Nick was in the hospital...." she replied. A look of surprise appeared on Bob's face. 

"Is he all right?" he asked. Nick's accident was all over the news and tabloids...there was no way anybody could not know he was in the car accident. This rubbed her the wrong way and Amanda was not pleased. 

"He almost died in a car accident, was in a coma for two days...it was all over the news. How do you not know about it?" Amanda asked, sounding a little angrier than she had intended to. 

"I was away...I'm an officer in the Navy....I have been away for a few months. We don't get much news from back home...." Bob explained. Now it all made sense, why he had vanished. 

"Nick is home now...you should come by and see him." Amanda suggested with a smile. Bob looked down at his feet, his eyes watering in shame. 

"He wouldn't want to see me. I abandoned him. I'm a horrible father." he said suddenly. 

"Bob, Nick wants to have a relationship with you. He has been asking for you...." 

"Why? He was so angry last time...I thought he wouldn't want to see me again." Bob said. Fair enough, Amanda thought. Nick had been angry last time, but it was because he didn't know how to deal with everything. He had not seen Bob in 20 years, she didn't blame him for his reaction. 

"Nick has been looking for you for a long time, Bob. He wants you in his life. Go to him....visit him. He needs you." Amanda smiled. Bob nodded and agreed with her. 

"Okay, I will." he replied before walking away. Amanda hoped he meant everything and would keep his word.


	21. Chapter 21

"Airhead....get the door!" AJ shouted from the kitchen as he tried to feed a fussy Celine. The doorbell was ringing and he couldn't leave her in the highchair to get it. 

"Okay, okay....I'm going." Aaron said, walking to the door. 

"Hello. Is Amanda home?" the man at the door asked. Aaron looked at him in confusion...this man looked like Nick but much, much older. 

"AJ!!!" he shouted. The man looked at him with an eyebrow raised, thinking. AJ came into the room carrying Celine, wiping at something on her face. 

"Who is it, kiddo?" he asked, balancing the baby on his hip. She giggled when he moved her and he chuckled. 

"He's looking for Amanda." Aaron said. AJ looked at the man, his eyes narrowed. 

"Take the baby upstairs, I will handle this." he said softly, giving her to him. 

"What can I do for you?" he added once the kids were out of the room. The man who looked so much like Nick smiled. 

"I was wondering if Amanda was home...I'm Nick's father." he said warmly. 

"Nick's father?" AJ asked, not believing it himself. To his knowledge Nick had no father. He had met his mother several weeks ago when she tried to take Aaron away. 

"Yes, I would like to visit with him if that is all right." Bob explained. AJ was still skeptical so he wanted to confirm things with Amanda before doing anything.

"Okay. Take a seat if you like...I have to make a phone call." AJ replied with a smile, waving to the couch nearby. Bob nodded and took one of the chairs while AJ went into the kitchen to call Amanda, who was at the nightclub doing rehearsals with JC. 

"AJ, how many times do I have to tell you not to bother me when I'm in rehearsals?" she snapped once she picked up the phone. 

"Uh....there is a guy here claiming to be Nick's dad." AJ said softly, eyeing Bob through the kitchen door. 

"He showed up?" Amanda exclaimed. 

"Wait, you know him? I thought his dad was dead." 

"You thought his mom was dead too until she attacked you, Jay. Nick's father is alive. What does he look like?" 

"Like Nick but older." AJ said, watching him. 

"Well, don't let him upstairs. Keep him busy until I come home. Aaron doesn't know Bob is his dad." Amanda explained.   
"Oh, shit. They kind of met already, Aaron answered the door." AJ said. This whole meeting could go good or very bad very quickly. 

"Don't tell him anything. I want to be there for this, let Nick tell them. Bob doesn't know about Aaron either." Amanda said before they hung up. AJ walked into the other room and Bob looked up at him from the couch. 

"Uh...hi." AJ said hesitantly, waving. Bob chuckled, a grin playing at his lips. 

"I suppose we have to wait for a bit, don't we?" he said as AJ sat down across from him. 

"Yes. Amanda is on her way home. She should be here in a few." 

"So are you one of Nick's friends?" Bob asked, looking at AJ's tattoos. AJ rubbed his arm nervously, most parents didn't like him. All he could think about was Brian's parents a few years ago, and how they had reacted to his wild appearance. 

"Yes, I help take care of the kids...I'm kind of the unofficial nanny." AJ explained, rubbing at his neck. 

"Nanny?" Bob asked. He raised an eyebrow at him and eyed his arms again.   
"Well, I'm a tattoo artist by profession, but I help them here with the baby." AJ replied. 

"Okay, I can see that. You look more like a tattoo artist than someone's nanny." Bob said. Aaron walked into the room with Celine and AJ's eyes went wide. 

"Aaron...hi...I thought I told you to go upstairs?" he said. Aaron looked at Bob, the two of them studying each other. 

"She won't go to sleep, I think she wanted you." the boy replied. 

"Who is this?" he added, sitting down. 

"Oh...I'm Nick's uncle....Robert." Bob said, holding out his hand, but Aaron didn't take it right away. 

"Uncle? Oh...that means you're my..." Aaron started, but AJ clamped a hand over his mouth. 

"Kids these days...making up crazy stories. Aaron go to your room. I'm sure you have homework to do?" AJ said, laughing nervously. Aaron mumbled something under AJ's hand as he was pushed towards the stairs. 

"Go to your room." AJ said sternly once they reached the bottom of the steps. 

"But..." Aaron protested, looking towards the living room. 

"Aaron, go to your room. Or you're grounded." AJ snapped. Aaron reluctantly went back upstairs, stomping his feet as he went. AJ went back to the living room where Bob was holding Celine and making baby sounds, tickling her belly. She giggled and cooed, waving her hands at him as she smiled. Amanda finally came home, setting her purse on the counter and smiling as she walked into the room. 

"Hello, Bob. I was happy to hear you came by." she said warmly. 

"I did some thinking and you were right...I want a relationship with Nick, I want to tell him the truth about why I left." Bob explained as he handed AJ the baby. 

"Okay. I am going to go upstairs and see if he is awake." Amanda said. She went upstairs to Nick's room where she found him sitting up in bed, watching television. 

"Hi, baby." Amanda said, kissing him gently on the cheek. 

"Hello. What's going on downstairs?" Nick asked, looking at the door. Amanda laughed, she had forgotten how good Nick's hearing was, the walls were thin in his house. 

"Oh, AJ and Aaron are just making noise. You know how they are." she said, laughing. Nick laughed too and shook his head in agreement. 

"I'm kind of hungry, can you make me something?" he asked. 

"Sure, baby. There is a visitor downstairs, are you up for seeing anybody?" Amanda told him, smiling. 

"Yeah, send them on up." Nick said. Amanda kissed his forehead and walked back downstairs, hoping that this would go well, it didn't seem that Nick expected his father to show up...and between him and Aaron, she wondered how it would all go down.


	22. Chapter 22

Nick's eyes widened when he saw his father standing in the doorway. 

"Dad?" he whispered, his breath catching in his throat, mouth feeling like cotton. Nick's eyes met with Amanda's and she smiled. 

"Hi, son....how you feeling?" Bob asked. 

"But...but how?" 

"Amanda told me you needed me more than I thought you did....she helped me realize I need to be in your life, Nick." Bob explained, taking Nick's hand as he sat on the edge of the bed. Nick smiled at him...it was a good feeling to see his father sitting in the room. 

"Why did you leave? You came back and then you left me again." he said softly. It had been so hard for him to deal with everything and his father just didn't seem to care. 

"Nick, this isn't easy for me to tell you....but the reason I left is not because I wanted to. Your mother took away my rights to you. She told the court that I was the one who abused you, not her." Bob explained, not meeting his son's gaze, his brown eyes glazed over with tears. 

"But...but why?" Nick asked in such an innocent voice that he sounded like a child again. 

"Your mom never wanted a son....she wanted a daughter. When you were born she asked them to check again." Bob replied. Nick shook his head, hating himself. He couldn't believe that his mother had put him through everything simply because he was a boy. It felt horrible.

"She did all of that because I was a boy?" Nick asked in disbelief. He hated his mother more than ever, when he closed his eyes....he could hear her again.

"Nick....I never wanted to leave. She fought so much to keep you when I went to court for custody. I'm not sure why she did that....but she blamed me for everything. She told them I was not fit to take care of you. Your mother told them I was the one abusing you...it killed me. After they took my rights away, there was a restraining order and she moved." Bob said, feeling ashamed. Nick looked at Amanda again...she was simply nodding as she took it all in. 

"Wait, where did we live before all of this?" Nick asked. Oceanview had been his home as long as he could remember. 

"We had a small apartment in Miami, for the two of us until you were born. When we were separated, she moved here. We had tried to patch things up, but it didn't work out."

"You and Jane tried to make amends?" Amanda asked. Now it made sense where Aaron had come into the picture. She glanced at Nick and he knew now it was time to tell him about his other son. 

"Dad....there's something I need to tell you....there is someone I want you to meet." Nick said, glancing at Amanda. She seemed to read his mind, she nodded and left the room before returning with Aaron. 

"Nick, all I want is for us to be a family again. I never wanted any of this to happen, I wish I could take it all back and have a do over." Bob said, before he noticed the new addition to the room. 

"Hi, Aaron. I want you to meet somebody." Nick said, smiling as he looked at his family. 

"Nick, what's going on?" Aaron asked, taking his hand. He wasn't sure what to think anymore of the man who had called himself "Nick's uncle". 

"Dad, I want you to meet my brother, Aaron." Nick said softly. Aaron and Bob looked at each other in confusion. 

"Your brother?" 

"Yes. He is my brother....and also your son." Nick replied, his eyes darkening. Bob let a small look of surprise across his face. 

"Daddy?" Aaron said suddenly, breaking the silence. He stared at Bob and smiled, who returned it. Bob nodded and Aaron threw his arms around him, wrapping him in a hug. Bob let the tears fall as he held Aaron....their family reunited.

"Nick, how did you find him?" Bob asked. 

"It's kind of funny, actually. He found me at Thanksgiving. I won custody of him after finding out that Mom did to him what she did to me." Nick replied. 

"But....but Mom said you were dead." Aaron said, his face scrunched up in confusion. 

"Did she tell you that? No, I'm very much alive, son. I'm not going away again." Bob explained. Aaron seemed to be happy to have him back, and the three of them talked before Bob offered to take Aaron to dinner and get to know him better. 

"You've had an exciting day, haven't you?" Amanda said once everything calmed down.   
"Thank you, Amanda.....thank you for giving me something I have always wanted. Now we can be a family again. I just wish I could have gone out with them." Nick grinned. 

"You will be walking soon, sweetheart." Amanda said as she kissed him on the cheek. The doctors told her Nick's arm cast would be coming off any day and he could start using crutches to get around. That would mean Nick was going to be mobile soon. As happy as she was about this, Amanda knew that something big was about to happen.


	23. Chapter 23

"AJ!!!!" Nick shouted from the bedroom upstairs. AJ lay stubbornly on the couch in the living room, trying to take a nap. Between the baby, Aaron, taking care of the house....work....and Nick...he had his plate full and spilling over the sides. He had barely slept in almost a week and had bags under his eyes. He was becoming very irritable and did not feel like waiting on his friend today. BUZZ. Nick had found the buzzer that Amanda gave him. 

"Shut up Nick." AJ mumbled, his face buried in the couch cushion. Celine was down for a nap, Amanda was working, and Aaron was at school. Why did Nick have to be awake? BUZZZZ. He had hit it longer than the first time so AJ decided to get up and walk upstairs where Nick was laying in the bed. 

"Whatcha need, Nicky?" he asked as pleasantly as he could, smiling. 

"I'm hungry." Nick stated, rubbing his stomach with his good hand. It was a simple request, so AJ went back downstairs to make him a sandwich. He brought it to him with a glass of milk and set it down in his lap on a tray. Nick grinned and took a large bite of it, chewing contentedly. 

"Anything else?" AJ asked. Nick shook his head, his mouth full of peanut butter and jelly. AJ smiled and walked back down to the couch. He could have easily gone to his room, but soon as he thought about it Nick buzzed again. 

"Yes, Nick?" AJ asked, breathing hard from taking the steps two at a time. Nick pouted and held up the sandwich. 

"I don't like grape jelly. I like strawberry. And I don't like chunky peanut butter." he said innocently. AJ smiled and gritted his teeth, holding in his annoyance. 

"Okay Nickers. I will get you another one. Hang tight." he said, going back out of the room. He made another sandwich and brought it back to Nick, who took it and promptly ate it, chugging the milk. 

"Feel better?" 

"Yep." Nick replied, sighing happily. AJ walked back downstairs and laid back down on the couch, closing his eyes....

BUZZZZZZ. 

"Fucking Christ." AJ hissed under his breath. He stomped upstairs and stood in the doorway, glaring at Nick, who waved at him from the bed. 

"Hi." he said with a toothy smile. 

"Hi." AJ said, wanting to strangle him. 

"I'm cold." Nick replied. AJ growled but wiped his expression by running his hand across his face and smiling instead. AJ put two blankets over him and stopped in the doorway again. 

"Are...you....SURE....that's.....all....you....need?" AJ asked slowly, his voice shaking with annoyance. 

"Yeah, I'm good." 

"Awesome." AJ said happily. He walked back downstairs and laid down for the fourth time. This time he was asleep for a good minute or two before.... 

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... 

"THAT'S IT!!!!" AJ shouted, throwing his hands in the air. He stormed up to Nick's room and slammed the door open. 

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLONDE DO YOU WANT NOW??" AJ asked. 

"I'm hot. Could ya open the window?" Nick asked innocently. AJ growled and stormed over to the bed, snatching the buzzer out of Nick's hand. 

"GIVE ME THAT!" he screamed as Nick's eyes watered. He stomped over to the window and tossed the buzzer outside. 

"But AJ...." Nick started, but AJ was practically in his face. 

"You think I'm having fun here waiting on you? You think this is a game?" AJ shouted. 

"N-No...." 

"Ever since you came home I do almost everything around here. And for what? Nobody thanks me! I did not hear one fucking thank you out of your goddamn mouth. I have done everything you asked but it's never good enough, is it Nick?" AJ ranted. All Nick did was blink back tears and stare in shock, his face pale. 

"You're not getting any better. You lay around and expect everybody to take care of you.....all you are being is a burden on us." AJ continued. Nick shook his head in protest, not speaking a word. 

"Why don't you call Amanda to fix everything? She can take care of you because I'm done and I'm out of here!" AJ shouted before leaving the room. Nick took his cell phone in his good hand, his hands shaking as he reeled from AJ's words.

"Amanda?" he said in a small voice when she picked up. 

"Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked, noticing the sadness in his voice. 

"AJ yelled at me and he left. I'm so sorry...." Nick sobbed, feeling horrible. His chest hurt and everything started to bother him at once. Nobody was there to give him his pain medication. 

"Okay, calm down baby....I'm coming home now." Amanda said kindly. She hung up with him as she pulled into the driveway and saw AJ standing outside. The buzzer was on the pavement next to her car and she picked it up. 

"What's the meaning of this? I heard you screamed at Nick?" Amanda demanded, waving it in his face. He blew smoke into the air and stomped out his cigarette. 

"Your fiancé is an asshole. He just lies there and expects us to wait on him." AJ snapped. 

"Uh, AJ in case you haven't noticed, Nick is bedridden and can't do anything! I don't want you getting him worked up, that's not healthy for him right now." Amanda interrupted. 

"He's just demanding stuff. I am not here to just play nanny and nurse that whiny bastard back to health. I'm not your maid or hired help. So if you think I am then you can fuck yourself. I have hardly slept all week, and this prick keeps pressing that goddamn buzzer like its a game. Well, I'm tired and not in the mood for him anymore. You deal with him." AJ shouted. 

"I don't give a crap. AJ, that's your friend. I have to take care of the club, someone has to be here with him." Amanda said. 

"Well, have fun. I'm out of here." AJ snapped, walking past her to his truck. 

"AJ.....don't do this, come back!" Amanda called after him. AJ responded by flipping her off and peeling out down the road, leaving dust in his wake.


	24. Chapter 24

"Where is AJ?" Aaron asked the next night after dinner. Amanda had been home dealing with everything after AJ left them stranded....she was tired. The baby missed him too....they all did. After AJ took off she had spent an hour calming Nick down, who insisted it was his fault and said he should have died in his car accident...that everybody would be better off. 

"I don't want to hear that again, Nick." Amanda had told him. She hated to hear him think like this...but she knew it was partly because of him being weaned off of his medication. 

"AJ isn't here, Aar. I don't know where he is." Amanda said, her voice tired as she took Celine out of her highchair. 

"Uhhhnnn uhhhnnn" the baby said, her face scrunched up. She looked around and then buried her head into Amanda's shoulder. 

"I know, you miss uncle AJ.....don't you?"

"I wish he would come home..." Aaron said as he helped Amanda clean up. The boy had been a big help taking care of things since AJ left....but it was becoming too much. She felt horrible that it had come to this. They had never forced AJ to do anything he didn't want to do, but she felt that maybe they relied on him too much lately and it was taking its toll. She decided to call in reinforcements. 

"Brian?" Amanda said, after he picked up on the third ring. 

"You sound tired. Everything okay?" he asked. 

"AJ has been gone for two days...I can't find him or get a hold of him." Amanda explained finally. He could hear the baby crying in the background. 

"Do you want me to come and help you?" Brian asked, concerned. 

"Just bring him back, Bri. Bring AJ home....I feel like this is my fault...we relied on him too much and made him feel used. I hate myself for this." she explained.

"Don't worry, I will find him." Brian promised before hanging up. After spending half of the night tracking him down, Brian found AJ in a hotel in downtown Miami. He sat at the bar with three or four beer bottles near him on the counter, looking tired as Brian walked in. 

"What do you want?" he snapped when he looked up. 

"You don't want to be here, Jay. Come home." Brian said as he sat down. 

"She sent you, didn't she? She needs her nanny back?" AJ snapped. 

"No, she wants her friend back. Nick thinks he should be dead, there is a crying baby and a depressed twelve year old boy that miss you." Brian replied. 

"Bullcrap. They only want me to take care of the kids. I'm not doing it." AJ said before swigging from the beer bottle....Brian grabbed it from him. 

"This is not the answer. Go home....you belong there." he pleaded again.   
"They don't need me there, she can do fine without me." AJ said, looking down at the counter. He was not drunk but he hated himself for what he did and how he left. 

"You really hurt Nick's feelings saying he was a burden." Brian told him. 

"I know I did....that's a sore spot for him." 

"You're right. Kevin's family told him that back in high school. He always thinks people are annoyed by him.....he didn't mean to piss you off, AJ....he's lonely. Imagine being stuck in that room all day for a month and not being able to go anywhere." 

"I would probably go nuts. So he wasn't trying to annoy me? He was having fun?" 

"Probably. Nick's bedridden. He wouldn't be an asshole on purpose." Brian said with a small smile. AJ grinned back at him. 

"So are you coming home?" 

"I guess so." AJ chuckled. When he got to the house Aaron answered the door. 

"AJ!!!" the boy exclaimed, immediately wrapping him in a huge hug. 

"Hi, kiddo." AJ said wearily. He walked up to Nick's room where Amanda was with the baby. Celine was laying on Nick's chest and had fallen asleep there while he held her with his good arm. 

"You're home!" Amanda exclaimed, hugging him. AJ smiled. 

"I'm sorry about what I said the other day....its just that I am so tired and I don't have a life anymore...this became too much for me. I love you guys....and I'm sorry." he said. 

"I'm sorry too. I should have said thank you." Nick whispered as he stroked his daughter's face with his thumb. 

"No, I was a jerk. You're not a burden, Nick. I was tired." 

"We all are, Jay. I understand....if you had a problem you could have told me. I can make arrangements. Nick and I could always hire a nanny to help out." Amanda offered as she took Celine from Nick. 

"Celine needs a rest and so does daddy," she added wisely. 

"I can't wait to get out of this bed, baby." Nick replied. 

"You'll be out of here soon enough, I can tell because you're getting restless." AJ laughed. He was glad to be home and knew that it wasn't going to be much longer until Nick was out of the bed and walking again...everything would be back to normal. However, there was a sinking feeling telling him something else would come up.


	25. Chapter 25

It had been about a month since Nick's accident and he was finally rid of the arm cast. His ribs and arm had healed and now only his leg was still broken. Nick wasn't in as much pain anymore, but he was still bedridden and needed help. AJ had taken Nick to get his arm cast off and then put Nick back in bed to rest after their long morning at the doctor's office. He was awoken by the sudden urge to use the bathroom. 

"AJ!!!!" he shouted....but nobody answered and the pressure on his bladder was hurting him. He looked next to the bed and saw the crutches that the doctor had given him to use now that he had use of his arms. 

"Fuck." he mumbled as he maneuvered himself into a sitting position on the edge of his bed. He was afraid to get up, but he knew at this point he had to. 

"Nick? Did you call me...I was..." AJ said, walking into the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway and looked around Nick's room frantically. The bed was empty, and Nick was nowhere in sight. 

"Shit....shit...god damn it Amanda pick up the phone." he mumbled as he paced the room. 

"AJ, I told you not to bother me in the middle of rehearsal." Amanda snapped after a while. 

"Nick's gone." AJ said, still panicking. 

"What? What do you mean he's gone? He can't walk!"

"I know that....but I came into the room and his bed was empty." 

"He can't go very far, AJ." Amanda said with exasperation. AJ lifted the sheets, threw them back on the bed and sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration until he heard the toilet flushing. 

"Nick?" AJ asked, his head shooting up in surprise. 

"Jay? Is that you?" a timid voice came from behind the closed door. 

"Oh thank god." AJ breathed in relief, his hand on his heart. 

"AJ...what's going on?" Amanda asked, still worried. 

"I found him. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom on his own." he explained with relief. 

"He walked?" 

"Nick? Are you okay in there?" AJ asked, moving closer to the door. It finally opened and Nick shuffled out holding crutches and looking nervous, shakily moving towards the bed. AJ said goodbye to Amanda and watched Nick move towards the bed. 

"Sorry about that, AJ. I had to go to the bathroom." Nick said softly. 

"No, it's all right. Feel like getting out of the room for a while?" AJ offered, smiling as Nick sat down. Nick grinned back, he had been stuck in the bedroom almost a month. 

"Do you even need to ask me?" he laughed. When Amanda came home, Nick was sitting in the living room on the couch, the crutches propped up against the chair next to him. 

"Hi, sweetheart." Amanda said as she leaned down to kiss him. Nick returned it, and she felt her heart quicken as his lips touched hers. She had been longing for his touch, wanting to be with him. 

"I missed you today." Nick replied softly. Amanda grinned at him, looking into his eyes and wondering if she could have him even now....even with a broken leg. 

"Me too. I bet it feels good to be out and about, doesn't it?" she said. Nick sat up, knowing she was so right about how he was feeling. Being mobile was liberating....Nick was proud of himself for making it this far on his own...but there was something deep down that scared him. Doubt clogged his thoughts, doubt that he couldn't come back the same as he was, that the accident would hold him back. He stood up shakily and took the crutches in his arms, as Amanda smiled at him. 

"I'm so proud of you, baby. You are healing very fast, you will be back to normal in no time." she said as they kissed again. Amanda wanted to feel his body against hers again, for things to be like they were. 

"Thanks. There's not much I can do with a broken leg...but I want you so bad right now." Nick whispered into her ear. 

"Take me..." Amanda smiled. Before they knew it, they were in bed together. As the passion built between them, Amanda lay on top of Nick and couldn't help but wonder if their happiness wasn't meant to last.


	26. Chapter 26

Nick was slowly getting used to walking without his cast on but he still limped. His chest was sore even though the broken ribs had healed. Amanda was watching him and saw that he looked very thin...he had not been eating much since the accident. She was a bit worried about how thin her fiance was, he looked just as he did when he went to go live with Brian's family. 

"Nick?" 

"Mhmmm?" he mumbled. His face was pale....bony. He stood right in front of Amanda and she put her arms around him....but pulled back a little when she felt his back. He was too thin and she couldn't get the image of him out of her head...a 15 year old Nick covered in bruises. 

"You look different." she pointed out, running her hand through his hair. It was longer than he usually kept it...past his eyebrows. He had let it grow since he couldn't get out of bed to go to a salon. 

"What do you mean? I feel fine." he said. She knew he was lying, he was in pain. Nick had a bad habit of hiding things....and he wasn't good at it. Amanda always knew when something troubled him, it was like she sensed it. 

"That's not what I mean. You look like you did when I came back during high school....at 15." she said uneasily. Nick frowned at her. He didn't like to be reminded of that time in his life. 

"Baby?" Nick didn't answer her....he walked away in silence, still limping slightly. He stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom that afternoon looking at himself. 

"I feel fine. Why do people say I'm sick?" he whispered. He took off his shirt and stared at his own body. 

"She's right...." a voice said suddenly in his mind. He shook it away and stared harder. He could see a scar running up his shoulder...partially covered by a tattoo of a shark but he could still tell it was there. Nick felt ugly...more than he had felt in a long time. His body was too thin and he was so pale that he looked like a ghost. 

"I gotta fix this..." he whispered to himself. He hated looking this way. It was then that she entered his mind once more...you're ugly....

"No." he protested, closing his eyes while he put the white t shirt back on. He walked out of the bathroom and promptly went to the kitchen. He knew he had to gain the weight back, knew he needed to fix it. 

Over the next few days, Nick began to change....Amanda saw it happen slowly. She was worried about him, seeing him eating more and talking less. He became depressed and moody, shutting her out. 

"Nicky, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me." Amanda said to him during dinner. Nick just shook his head and did not say anything. After eating, Nick went on the internet to do a search for himself. 

"....Nick Carter looking deathly ill..." a caption said under the picture on twitter. Nick winced at it. The t shirt he wore hung off of him and his face looked bony...his clothes were loose. 

"He's washed up...he should just not bother coming back..." another fan said. Nick's eyes scanned further down the screen at his fans comments. How could they say such things to him? 

"He looks awful...I don't know why his girlfriend stays with him. No wonder he went to that appointment with his friend, I wouldn't want to be seen with him either."   
Nick's eyes teared as he read the tweets. He had no idea he looked that bad. 

"See, Nickolas? They all can see it...why can't you?" 

"Stop it." Nick muttered. His stomach was churning from eating too much before...he didn't feel well but went to the kitchen to eat again. He heard Amanda and Brian talking in the other room, he knew he shouldn't listen but he stood by the door anyway, balancing the ice cream carton in his arm. 

"I don't know what to do, Brian. He just mopes around the house lately." 

"Did you try talking to him?" 

"I did, but he won't tell me what's wrong. I heard him cry this morning...he just sits there looking depressed." 

"Try again. Somethings bothering him." Brian told her. Nick felt angry that they acted like he was a child. 

"I am so busy with JC and the club right now. I don't need this." Amanda replied with a sigh. 

"JC was a good thing...the clubs doing well, I always see it busy. No need for Nick to come back..." Brian said. He didn't need to hear anymore. Nick walked away and put the carton back in the freezer...disgusted with himself. He wanted to sing...the stage was his home and he felt helpless. Amanda had already found someone else...he didn't blame her. It was only a matter of time before Nick lost everything, and he knew he couldn't stop it. The depression was creeping into him and Nick felt horrible. He hated what he was becoming, and worried if he could climb back out of the hole before it was too late.


	27. Chapter 27

"No need for Nick to come back to the club right now. Not until after the wedding so he has more time to heal." Brian said as Amanda sat on the couch next to him. 

"I think that is a very good idea. I mean, he hasn't made any effort towards his music since the accident...he hasn't written anything or worked in the studio." she replied. Nick was a stranger to her these days and she was afraid something was really wrong. He never shut her out before. She could see him getting depressed. 

"Amanda there is not much you can do, but just support him and make him feel loved...make him feel like he's part of things." Brian suggested. 

"Okay. This is why I haven't told him about JC taking over his gig...he would be so hurt if he knew about it." Amanda said. She hated lying to her fiancé...but the way Nick was, it was for the best. 

 

"Amanda?" Nick's timid voice came from behind her as she watched television in the living room.

"Yes, baby?" she said as she sat up to make a space for him. She was hoping this was it, he would tell her what was wrong with him. 

"I have been doing good at physical therapy...when can I come back to the club?" he asked, looking at her expectantly. 

"Nick, I really think you should wait...you need to rest some more. I don't want you to push yourself." Amanda explained, thinking of what Brian said. 

"But Amanda..." 

"No. I am only looking out for your health...it is not fair for the fans if you aren't feeling 100 percent better on stage." she said. Nick pouted and looked disappointed when he walked away. He began to gain weight after that night. Nick felt ugly...he hated himself. Whenever he looked in the mirror at his bloated reflection he got upset and began eating more. Amanda noticed the drastic change in his body when his face looked fuller and so did his stomach. He didn't look like Nick anymore to her. 

"Nick....please talk to me. You keep shutting me out." she said finally one morning after she had found more fast food containers in the garbage. She didn't like his food choices and noticed he had been drinking more as well. It all scared her, and Amanda was at the point now where she wasn't sure if she still wanted to marry him. 

"Baby I'm fine." he lied. Amanda looked into his eyes...they were dark and empty....full of despair. They did not have the twinkle that Nick usually had. 

"What happened to you?" she whispered, stepping away as her eyes water. 

"What do you mean?" he asked. 

"You're not my Nick anymore." 

"Of course I am..."

"No you're not. You've changed....you're not the Nick Carter I fell in love with....he would never give up." Amanda said tearfully. 

"I didn't give-" 

"Yes you have.....look at yourself. Either you go back to the way you were or I will leave you. Nick....you have shut everybody out...you don't work on your music...I don't know you anymore." Amanda said sternly. Nick looked down at his feet...his stomach was chubby. He felt ugly again. Amanda didn't want him.

"You don't love me anymore?" he asked in such an innocent way he sounded like a lost child. Amanda felt her heart break with his. 

"Of course I love you sweetheart. I want what's best for your health. Your need to take care of yourself." she replied. Nick left her and went for a walk...his hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked the beach. 

"She doesn't want you anymore...you're ugly." 

"Shut up." Nick protested. He wanted to be normal again...wanted his old life back but the only way to do this was to sing again. He began to work out and stop eating so much...hoping this would be enough to stop feeling miserable. He was ashamed to tell anyone that he felt this way, afraid they would pity him and make him take more time off. 

 

"I just don't know what to do, AJ. He won't listen to me...." Amanda sighed as she watched Nick sitting on the porch from the kitchen window. 

"Make him see he isn't ready." AJ suggested. Amanda didn't like the idea of this...Nick had been so emotionally unstable since he the accident, she was afraid anything would trigger a whirlwind of events. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Give him a rehearsal....a trial. Have someone else give their opinion. Then Nick will understand he is not ready to perform." AJ told her. 

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jay." 

"He won't listen to anybody...he keeps beating himself up over all of this performing stuff. Just show him he's not ready." he repeated. Amanda thought for a few moments and decided that AJ was right, Nick wasn't listening. 

"Okay I will do it....but you are going to come and watch. I am also giving you full credit for this idea." she said. That night after dinner, she walked up to Nick and told him he had a rehearsal coming up the next day. 

"Really?" he asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement. 

"Yes sweetie. Call the band and get them together. You're on at 2." Amanda said with a smile. Nick kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. 

"You won't regret this. Thank you baby." he said happily, running off to make phone calls. As she watched him limp away...Amanda couldn't help but hope he was right.


	28. Chapter 28

Amanda was at the club early with JC the next day, pacing the floors as he watched her. 

"I don't know about this JC. He has been so distant lately and I'm afraid this will drive him away more." she said, folding her arms and sighing. 

"From what you told me, his health has not been good....doesn't he see that you're only looking out for him?" JC asked. Amanda looked at her feet, ashamed that she couldn't get Nick to believe her. She felt like she was losing him....like Nick was becoming lost and wouldn't find his way back. AJ finally arrived, and the three of them stood there in silence for a while. 

"I don't like this idea, Amanda. He's going to be hurt." JC pointed out, frowning.

"I know he will....but AJ said we should try it because he won't listen to anyone. Nick has become so stubborn and he thinks he knows what he's doing...I just want him to be healthy for the show. All he cares about is getting back up on that stage." she said. 

"Nick needs to see he's not ready." AJ repeated. JC shook his head in disgust at him as Nick walked in, a cheerful expression on his face. He was a half hour early. 

"Hi guys! Ready to start?" Nick said happily, taking out his guitar and tuning it. He looked better than Amanda had seen him in a while, he was so happy she felt horrible for deceiving him. Nick didn't know that this was not a real rehearsal and JC was there in case Nick wasn't able to go on that night. Deep down, Amanda knew he wouldn't be ready. Nick still limped and got tired easily after getting the leg cast off. Amanda worried he wouldn't have the stamina to make it through a whole show on his own. 

"Let's do this!" Nick said, grinning as he got on the stage. Skye, Nick's drummer looked at him nervously, and the air in the room became tense as Nick began to play. Amanda was impressed at first. All of the rest had made his voice sound better than before. JC wasn't smiling and Amanda looked at him in confusion. 

"He looks tired." JC commented. As he went to the next song...Nick began to sweat and his voice got breathy. He was having trouble holding the longer notes. Amanda looked at AJ. 

"He's going to faint, Amanda. Stop him." he said. She looked at Nick, his face flushed with sweat. 

"He is going to faint." he replied softly, noticing Nick trying to keep his balance. 

"Nick, stop!" Amanda shouted. Nick blinked at her, breathing heavily into the microphone as his chest felt tight. He stared at his friends and knew he had screwed up.   
"Who were you trying to fool?" the voice in his head stated, and Nick blinked again, wiping his face. 

"Nick, you should sit down and rest." Amanda said, pointing at a stool nearby. 

"I'm....I'm fine..." he told her, swaying a little. He felt shaky and dizzy. 

"No you aren't. Amanda is only looking out for you...just take her advice. Its about your health." JC pointed out. Nick's eyes narrowed. What they said made sense, but he kept thinking about what his fans were saying...what Brian had told Amanda...everything was becoming too much. All of the voices were intertwining and causing his head to hurt. Nick dropped to his knees, clutching his head as he began to cry. 

"Nicky?" Amanda said, leaning in front of him...but what Nick heard was something else. 

"Stop it. Stop lying to me!" he shouted suddenly, causing her to jump back. He was shaking and looking at them with hate in his eyes. 

"Who is lying to you? You're just not ready to perform yet, Nick..." Amanda said. 

"You just want more time with....more time with...HIM." Nick yelled. 

"That's not true-" 

"Shut up, JC. You like to perform at the club so you don't want me to come back." 

"Nick, listen to yoursel-"

"NO! YOU LISTEN!" Nick screamed. Amanda's eyes went wide as she watched him, she had never seen him so upset before. 

"How could you do this to me? I thought you were my friends....and you...I thought you loved me.." he said, tears rolling down his face. He felt sick to his stomach, angry....hurt. 

"Nick please listen..." Amanda begged, but he had walked out, slamming the door behind him as everyone watched in stunned silence. 

"This is your fault." JC said, his face an inch from AJ's. 

"Why did I listen to you? He hates me..." Amanda whispered, her eyes on the door. 

"He doesn't hate you. Nick is a big boy now, he will get over it." AJ replied. 

"AJ, go home and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. JC, start rehearsal...I have to be alone for a while." Amanda said. AJ went home to find Nick at the bar next to the kitchen...a beer bottle in his hand. 

"Nick, don't you think you overreacted just a little?" Amanda is just looking out for you." he said as he walked into the room. Nick glared at him and took a large drink from the bottle. There were two six packs on the counter...one bottle was empty already. 

"She wants JC there, not me." he said finally, wiping his bloodshot eyes. 

"Look at yourself, Kaos. Amanda is looking out for your health and you are pushing all of us away.....stop destroying yourself, its not the answer. I know you have been upset over performing, but-" 

"I don't care." Nick said, starting a third beer. He just wanted to be numb....he wanted to feel no emotions. AJ looked at him and shook his head.

"Nick, if you don't want to listen, then fine. I'm going to Brian's." AJ said, heading for the door. Nick wiped his eyes again and looked at the pill bottle on the counter. His head hurt so badly....his heart ached. The pills would make it all better....


	29. Chapter 29

"Nicky?" Amanda called when she came home. She had left JC to rehearse on his own because she was so worried about Nick. She wandered through the dark house...it was silent and that scared her. 

"Nick?" 

He lay on the floor by the bar, slumped on his side....motionless. Amanda closed her eyes, not wanting to believe this was real, but it was. Beer bottles scattered across the counter of the bar. The stool Nick had been sitting on was laying on its side next to him. 

"Nick....please..." She begged as she rolled him over. In his hand was a pill bottle. Several of them were missing. Nick's face was pale and his skin felt cold to the touch as Amanda tried to wake him. She could hear the headlines now...Nick Carter...25 years old found dead in his home. Warm tears rolled down her face and she cradled his head in her lap as she listened for a pulse. It was very faint but he was still alive. 

"Thank god." Amanda muttered as she reached for the phone. She dialed for the ambulance and waited. The front door opened and AJ came in with Celine. 

"You fucking bastard!" Amanda screamed. AJ put Celine in her playpen. The baby's eyes fell upon Nick laying on the floor and she looked at him.

"Dada?" 

"What the hell are you telling me off for?" AJ shouted. Sobbing, Amanda started punching him until he finally restrained her by the wrists. 

"Nick....you left him...this is all YOUR fault!! I HATE YOU!" she shouted, crying hysterically. 

"He chose this Amanda. Not me." AJ said without any emotion. 

"How....how can you say that? It's your fault he did this to himself. If he dies, you better hope to god I don't kill you!" Amanda yelled. 

"Nick will be fine, calm down."

"CALM DOWN?! My fiancé is laying on the floor! I told you not to leave him alone, AJ. I told you to watch him! And you want me to calm down?" Amanda said, shaking with anger. Nick lay at her feet, looking as if he were simply asleep. The baby started to cry...she sensed something was wrong. 

"Amanda..." 

"Not another word. Take care of Celine. You can handle that, can't you? I told you that this was a bad idea. Why did I listen to you?" 

"You're blaming me?!" AJ protested. 

"Of course I am blaming you. It was your idea and when he wakes up I am going to tell him what an asshole he has for a friend." Amanda snapped as the paramedics arrived and took Nick to the hospital. Amanda left Celine with AJ and went after them. Several hours and a stomach pumping later...Amanda sat at Nick's bedside. 

"Hey..." he whispered as he woke up. 

"Oh, thank god. You gave us quite a scare, baby." she said as she kissed his hand and smiled. Amanda wasn't really angry with Nick, but she wanted to know the truth. What had triggered the thought of suicide? The fact he had an open bottle of pain medicine in his hand when she found him raised a lot of questions in Amanda's mind. 

"Why am I here?" Nick asked, feeling dizzy. His stomach was aching and his head felt like it was splitting over. 

"You don't remember? I found you on the floor at home. They said you overdosed and had to pump your stomach." she explained softly. Nick felt ashamed of himself. How could he be so stupid? He had never meant to kill himself...he didn't want things to be like this. Everything was so confusing and it made his head hurt. He just wanted everything to be the way it was again. 

"Nick, I know what you're thinking, and I'm not mad at you." Amanda said after a few moments of awkward silence. 

"You're not?" he asked....sounding so much younger than he was. 

"Of course not, sweetheart. I just want to understand why you did what you did. You never talk to me anymore...I feel like you're drifting away from me." Amanda confessed. 

"Wow...I'm so sorry, baby. I just had a lot on my mind. I'm scared....scared that I won't be able to do what I love....won't be able to be with the one I love." Nick explained, not looking at her. 

"But why, Nick? Why the pills? Why did you do that?" 

"I had a headache while I was drinking. I wanted to get rid of it....I was so upset. Not just about performing...other things." Nick told her. He looked away from her, his eyes watering. 

"Suicide wasn't the answer. You really need to take a good look at yourself Nick. You have been so depressed and distant lately that I feel like I'm losing you." Amanda said softly. 

"I wasn't trying to kill myself.....honestly...the whole thing was an accident." Nick replied. He did not know if this was a lie or not...he was scared. So many thoughts were going on in his head and he couldn't sort them out.

"I believe you, baby.....but please, don't do anything like this again. I love you and I can't lose you." Amanda said, leaning in to kiss him. Nick returned it and she left the room, leaving him to his thoughts. The night had been a bad one, but he knew it was time to make things right if he was ever going to be himself again.


	30. Chapter 30

"Nicky?" Amanda called when she came home. She had left JC to rehearse on his own because she was so worried about Nick. She wandered through the dark house...it was silent and that scared her. 

"Nick?" 

He lay on the floor by the bar, slumped on his side....motionless. Amanda closed her eyes, not wanting to believe this was real, but it was. Beer bottles scattered across the counter of the bar. The stool Nick had been sitting on was laying on its side next to him. 

"Nick....please..." She begged as she rolled him over. In his hand was a pill bottle. Several of them were missing. Nick's face was pale and his skin felt cold to the touch as Amanda tried to wake him. She could hear the headlines now...Nick Carter...25 years old found dead in his home. Warm tears rolled down her face and she cradled his head in her lap as she listened for a pulse. It was very faint but he was still alive. 

"Thank god." Amanda muttered as she reached for the phone. She dialed for the ambulance and waited. The front door opened and AJ came in with Celine. 

"You fucking bastard!" Amanda screamed. AJ put Celine in her playpen. The baby's eyes fell upon Nick laying on the floor and she looked at him.

"Dada?" 

"What the hell are you telling me off for?" AJ shouted. Sobbing, Amanda started punching him until he finally restrained her by the wrists. 

"Nick....you left him...this is all YOUR fault!! I HATE YOU!" she shouted, crying hysterically. 

"He chose this Amanda. Not me." AJ said without any emotion. 

"How....how can you say that? It's your fault he did this to himself. If he dies, you better hope to god I don't kill you!" Amanda yelled. 

"Nick will be fine, calm down."

"CALM DOWN?! My fiancé is laying on the floor! I told you not to leave him alone, AJ. I told you to watch him! And you want me to calm down?" Amanda said, shaking with anger. Nick lay at her feet, looking as if he were simply asleep. The baby started to cry...she sensed something was wrong. 

"Amanda..." 

"Not another word. Take care of Celine. You can handle that, can't you? I told you that this was a bad idea. Why did I listen to you?" 

"You're blaming me?!" AJ protested. 

"Of course I am blaming you. It was your idea and when he wakes up I am going to tell him what an asshole he has for a friend." Amanda snapped as the paramedics arrived and took Nick to the hospital. Amanda left Celine with AJ and went after them. Several hours and a stomach pumping later...Amanda sat at Nick's bedside. 

"Hey..." he whispered as he woke up. 

"Oh, thank god. You gave us quite a scare, baby." she said as she kissed his hand and smiled. Amanda wasn't really angry with Nick, but she wanted to know the truth. What had triggered the thought of suicide? The fact he had an open bottle of pain medicine in his hand when she found him raised a lot of questions in Amanda's mind. 

"Why am I here?" Nick asked, feeling dizzy. His stomach was aching and his head felt like it was splitting over. 

"You don't remember? I found you on the floor at home. They said you overdosed and had to pump your stomach." she explained softly. Nick felt ashamed of himself. How could he be so stupid? He had never meant to kill himself...he didn't want things to be like this. Everything was so confusing and it made his head hurt. He just wanted everything to be the way it was again. 

"Nick, I know what you're thinking, and I'm not mad at you." Amanda said after a few moments of awkward silence. 

"You're not?" he asked....sounding so much younger than he was. 

"Of course not, sweetheart. I just want to understand why you did what you did. You never talk to me anymore...I feel like you're drifting away from me." Amanda confessed. 

"Wow...I'm so sorry, baby. I just had a lot on my mind. I'm scared....scared that I won't be able to do what I love....won't be able to be with the one I love." Nick explained, not looking at her. 

"But why, Nick? Why the pills? Why did you do that?" 

"I had a headache while I was drinking. I wanted to get rid of it....I was so upset. Not just about performing...other things." Nick told her. He looked away from her, his eyes watering. 

"Suicide wasn't the answer. You really need to take a good look at yourself Nick. You have been so depressed and distant lately that I feel like I'm losing you." Amanda said softly. 

"I wasn't trying to kill myself.....honestly...the whole thing was an accident." Nick replied. He did not know if this was a lie or not...he was scared. So many thoughts were going on in his head and he couldn't sort them out.

"I believe you, baby.....but please, don't do anything like this again. I love you and I can't lose you." Amanda said, leaning in to kiss him. Nick returned it and she left the room, leaving him to his thoughts. The night had been a bad one, but he knew it was time to make things right if he was ever going to be himself again.


	31. Chapter 31

Nick was released from the hospital the following morning. He felt a bit better than last night, but what he was thinking scared him. He wondered why he had taken those pills....how he had let himself get this deep. He hated how he felt and the looks he got from Amanda....it was fear. 

"Nick...the doctors think you should seek therapy....you're depressed a lot lately." 

"I don't need therapy, I'm fine." Nick protested. Amanda hated when Nick denied his feelings, he always bottled them up and she knew it was the cause of his depression. 

"Nick you can't keep doing this..." 

"I'm FINE." he said, looking out the window of the car. 

"You keep shutting me out, baby. It's not good to keep it all in." Amanda whispered as they pulled into the driveway. Nick didn't answer her, he simply limped into the house and was quiet the rest of the night. Amanda was afraid for him...she watched him the next day or so and did not see a change in his mood. 

"What are you looking at?" AJ asked when he passed by the office on his way to have a cigarette outside. 

"Apartments for me and Celine." 

"Why? There is plenty of room here." AJ said, raising an eyebrow. Amanda shook her head, looking at the computer screen. 

"I don't want Celine to be exposed to this....Nick needs help and he won't admit to himself something is wrong. The other night...."

"I know, it scared me too. All I can think about is how Celine looked when he was laying on the floor." AJ replied softly. 

"That's what I'm talking about, Jay. It's not good for any of us. What if Aaron had found him while you were gone...or someone else?" Amanda said. 

"I agree. You need to do what's best for the baby."   
"I'm giving him two weeks, AJ....two weeks or I'm gone." Amanda said, clicking on the mouse again. 

Nick stood around the corner...his eyes watering as he heard them talking. He was a screw up....Amanda had no idea he had started to lose the weight he gained...but he felt horrible. He felt that she didn't love him anymore and he needed to change. That night they lay in bed together and Nick started kissing her shoulder softly, moving towards her neck. Amanda looked at him, surprised. His body was next to hers and she could feel that he was thinner. 

"Baby?" 

"Mhmmm?" Nick muttered as his lips moved to her neck. They felt so good....Amanda desperately wanted them to touch her own. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. 

"Yeah....I miss you, that's all. I miss being with you like this." Nick whispered. His cologne smelled wonderful and he put his arm around her, holding her close to him. 

"Nicky...I..."

"I am so sorry for how I have been the last few weeks." Nick explained suddenly. 

"Why did you take those pills?" Amanda asked, not looking at him. 

"I'm going through something right now." 

"You won't tell me what it is? I thought we could tell each other anything, baby." she whispered, frowning. 

"I promise I will....once I have sorted this out. The other day was not good for me. I am seeing a therapist to help me." 

"You are?" 

"I'm doing this for us. I don't want to lose you, Amanda." Nick said, kissing her again. 

"Nicky, do it for yourself. Don't do it for me. I want you to be happy...I feel like you're drifting away from me these days. All I want is to know why." 

"In time I will tell you, but right now I have so much going through my head that needs to be sorted out." he told her. 

"I am glad you are trying, sweetheart." Amanda said as she kissed him again. They fell asleep next to one another like they used to do...like they did before all of this began. The next day, Amanda went outside to ask Nick a question about dinner that night but could not find him until she heard the lawn mower. 

"Baby? I wanted to ask....oh wow." she muttered as he turned to face her, shirtless and tanned. His muscles glistened with sweat and he pushed the lawnmower, his biceps flexing. 

"Hey honey." Nick said, grinning as she checked him out. Amanda looked like she was in a trance as he walked up to her on the porch. 

"You....you look..." 

"Yes?" 

"You look perfect..." she replied, gawking at his body. 

"I do?" he smiled. 

"Uh huh." 

"Well, I'm a bit sweaty and dirty...want to help me clean up?" Nick smirked mischievously. Amanda did not hesitate, she and Nick were in the shower together moments later, making out. Nick loved every minute of it, feeling the happiest he felt in weeks. He and Amanda moved to the bedroom and made love, for the first time in a long while....he didn't feel ugly. Nick felt loved and happy. He knew now that everything would be okay...nothing would keep him from being with her. 

 

Nick left for therapy early the next morning, leaving the house to Amanda. AJ had taken Celine to the park with Aaron to play outside. Brian stopped by carrying a towel, wearing flip flops and swim shorts. 

"Mind if I take a swim? You can come too if you like." Brian asked with a smile. Amanda had not hung out with Brian in quite a while she agreed and changed into a blue bikini. When she came outside, Brian already had his shirt off and was in the water. 

"Well being an officer has been good to you, Bri." Amanda commented. He was short yet muscular, his arms were bigger than Nick's. He flexed and laughed at her as she stared. Brian missed how she used to look at him when they were dating. Amanda looked great as well, healthy and slender, the bathing suit showing off her curves. 

"My workout regimen is helping a lot. I need to stay in shape for work." Brian explained as they got into the water. He could feel his feelings for her coming back as they swam and talked. 

"That's great you take care of yourself." Amanda said. She and Brian had fun splashing each other and running through the waves until he fell and she was underneath him. He smiled down at her, breathing heavily. 

"Brian, I-" she said, but her lips were interrupted by his...he felt wonderful....until she remembered he was not Nick. She pushed him off and he stood there, horrified. 

"What was...." 

"I gotta go...I....I have to...oh god." Brian said, his blue eyes wide as he turned and ran....leaving Amanda confused about her own feelings for him.


	32. Chapter 32

Amanda stood up and cleaned the sand off of herself before heading into the house...a wrap around her waist. The kitchen was at the back of the house and Amanda walked inside to find AJ cleaning up some broken dishes. The sink was full of water as if someone had been washing. 

"What happened, Jay?" she asked as he threw the broken plate in the garbage. 

"I don't know, I was gonna ask you the same thing...where were you?" he wondered, sweeping up the smaller pieces. 

"I was outside. Are you the only one home?" 

"I just got in...and what happened to the wall?" 

"The wall-" Amanda said as a large hole in the wall next to the sink caught her eye. There was blood on the white wallpaper as well, pieces of it had caved in. 

"Yeah, looks like someone punched it...and their hand must be bleeding." AJ said thoughtfully. Amanda was confused until she noticed that the kitchen window faced the beach....and the hole in the wall...

"That's too big to be Aaron's hand...and he isn't home. Are you sure Nick isn't here?" Amanda asked. They heard noise coming from upstairs and she feared the worst.   
"His car was in the driveway when I came home." AJ replied. 

"Shit...shit...I'm dead." 

"What happened?" 

"Nick saw everything...he saw Brian kiss me..." Amanda replied, panicking. The thumping noise grew louder. 

"Brian WHAT?" AJ half shouted as he saw Amanda go up the stairs. Her heart was beating fast as she walked down the hall towards the noise...she could hear it louder now. Thump...thump...thump. 

"Nicky?" Amanda said tentatively. She found Nick in the room with his gym equipment. He was busily punching the punching bag....and hitting it hard. 

"Nick?" 

He turned around to face her with red rimmed eyes. She had never seen him look so angry and hurt and it scared her. 

"Are you okay? I can ex-" 

"AM I OKAY?! Are you asking if I'm okay??" Nick said suddenly, interrupting her. She backed away a little, moving towards the door as he came at her. 

"Baby, I-" 

"First JC and now Brian? Am I not good enough to be with you? I thought you loved me..." Nick said, tears swimming in his blue eyes. Amanda looked at him, shaking her head slowly. Nick's emotional state had been so up in the air lately that she was afraid of what he might do...especially after the overdose. 

"JC? What are you talking about....Brian meant nothing to me, Nicky...I-"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? How can you just replace me like that?" he shouted, his body shaking with anger. Amanda blinked at him, shrinking back. 

"I would never replace you, sweetheart. I love you...." she whispered, not looking at him. Nick was not happy at all. 

"After everything I have been through....after all I did...I'm still not good enough for you. Lance was right." he snapped. Amanda didn't say anything....she couldn't believe how angry he was. The kiss had meant nothing to her. She did love Nick more than anything, but she also knew that he had been going through a rough time and was unsure of himself.

"Nicky-" she said, reaching for him...he backed away, tears rolling down his face. 

"I can't do this anymore." he said, looking her in the eye. Amanda was crying now....shaking her head in disbelief. 

"No....don't..." 

"I can't....I can't." Nick told her softly, walking towards the door. 

"Nick....please...we can work this out." she begged, taking his arm. He took it back, wiping his eyes. 

"I can't...not anymore." he whispered as he walked out of the room, leaving her. Amanda looked at the door, holding her arms against her and crying....listening as the door slammed downstairs....the car pulling out of the driveway and speeding off...he was gone. 

"Nick..." 

Amanda collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs...it was happening all over again....the images replayed in her mind... 

 

"Lance...don't go..." 

"You think I wouldn't find out? I'm out of here!"

"Please....what about the baby..." 

"I don't owe either of you shit. I'm done..." 

 

Amanda didn't even hear AJ run into the room, she was rocking slowly and crying as he held her. 

"Are you all right?" he asked softly. 

"He's gone....he's gone..." she said over and over...not able to accept it herself....Nick was gone. Amanda wiped her eyes and pushed AJ away suddenly...he backed up near the wall, staring at her. 

"I have to get out of here before he comes back." 

"Amanda-" AJ said, following her out of the room. Amanda didn't notice, she was muttering to herself about this being Nick's house...she had to leave. AJ was shocked...he never expected any of this to happen....but he knew one thing...Nick was wrong and he would pay.


	33. Chapter 33

Nick sped down the road....he didn't care where ended up. Suddenly he decided to stop halfway up the street from his house. 

"What am I doing?" he asked out loud. He felt horrible for walking out of the house. Now that he was a bit calmer, Nick thought about it and turned the car around, heading towards the house. His cell phone beeped and it was a text from Aaron telling him to come home. Nick didn't answer it because he was already on the way there.   
"I'm coming...." he muttered, punching the gas. 

 

"Amanda, I don't think he would actually LEAVE. Maybe he needed to calm down a bit." 

"AJ, he....left...me. I have to get out of here." Amanda said tearfully, throwing random clothes into a suitcase on the bed. 

"Make sure Celine is taken care of."

"You're not taking her?" 

"I don't have time to get her things together, Jay. I have to leave before and if Nick comes back." Amanda said as she took off the ring. She stopped to look at it, the diamonds glittering on the silver band...143 engraved on the inside with their names. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she threw it on the bed. Amanda closed the suitcase and wiped her eyes as AJ walked out of the room. 

"Aaron!" he exclaimed as he ran into the boy down the hall from the bedroom. 

"What's going on?" Aaron asked curiously. 

"Stall Amanda. Don't let her leave the house..." AJ instructed. Aaron nodded and headed into the nursery where Amanda was standing over the baby's crib. 

"Stay good for daddy, Celine...mommy loves you..." 

"Mama...." 

"Goodbye," Amanda said softly, crying as she kissed her daughter's forehead. 

"Amanda?" Aaron said, standing in the doorway. She turned to look at him, her eyes watering. 

"Don't leave...please.." the boy whispered, pouting. Amanda felt so bad for walking out on everyone she cared about...but she knew she had to go. 

"I have to, kiddo." 

"But...but I will miss you." he whimpered. He threw his arms around her and sobbed. 

 

"Amanda?" Nick said as he walked in the front door of the house. 

"You son of a bitch!" 

AJ came running at him, his face angrier than Nick had ever seen him. 

"What the hell?" he asked as AJ tackled him to the floor and hit him in the face twice. Nick smelled blood on his face as AJ picked him up by his throat and slammed him into the wall, knocking over a picture frame. It smashed as it hit the floor...and Nick's eyes were wide, his body shook from the impact. 

"Let go....of...me..." Nick gasped, trying to pry AJ's hands off of his neck. 

"You hurt her....now I'm gonna hurt you!" AJ shouted...Nick managed to knee him in his stomach and AJ dropped him, doubling over in pain as he coughed. Nick dashed for the stairway but fell face first into the third step as AJ held his ankle and pulled him back. 

"LET GO!" Nick screamed, coughing on the blood running down his face from his nose. He managed to kick AJ and run for the stairs again where he met Amanda. 

 

Amanda looked at Nick...his face and hand were bloody, his eye black and blue...his mouth bruised and swollen. He didn't say anything for a few moments. Aaron clung to her leg, begging her not to leave. She finally shook him off and he ran downstairs, leaving her alone with Nick. 

"Amanda-" 

"I don't want to speak to you." 

"Baby, listen...I-" Nick started. She glared at him with an icy stare. 

"How can you call me that when you don't want me anymore? YOU LEFT ME. You're just like Lance!" Amanda snapped, picking up her suitcases. 

"Let me explain..." 

"There is nothing to explain. You....you left..." she said tearfully. 

"I came back..." 

"Don't give me that bullshit, Nick. You said we were done." 

"No. You're not listeni-"

"Out of my way." Amanda said, but Nick stood in front of her, blocking her path. 

"NO! You're not leaving. Let's talk this out." he begged. Amanda was crying and Nick hated to see her upset, especially when he had caused it.

"We are done talking....I can't take this anymore. All the fighting and the tears...it's too much for me." she sobbed. 

"Baby we can get through it...I don't want to lose you." 

"Then why did you walk out? You said you were done. You left me..." 

"Yes I did do that, but I was coming back. I needed to cool off...I don't want to fight with you, Amanda. I wanted to walk away before I really screwed things up with you. That's what I meant by done...I was done with the conversation, not with you, baby." Nick explained, blood running down his chin. 

"Really?" Amanda sniffed, wiping her eyes. 

"Really baby. I would never leave you. I have been through too damn much to stay with you, if I didn't want you....I wouldn't have given you the ring." Nick said, smiling at her. Amanda looked at Nick....her eyes searching...wondering if she should trust his word or not. She walked to the bedroom and he followed her, waiting for her to say something. She sat down on the bed and held the engagement ring in her hands...the one he had given to her a few months ago. 

"When you gave me this you were a different person. What happened to him? He's the one I fell in love with...." Amanda whispered as she held it up for him to see. 

"I know....the last few weeks have been rough but we need each other...I need you....as crazy as it sounds...you complete me. Without you by my side I am not whole. I love you more than anything in the world...I can't let you go." Nick said, taking her hand in his. 

"I love you too." she said as she passed the ring into his hand. Nick took it and smiled...then he got on his knee. 

"Marry me again?" he asked, cracking a grin. 

"Yes...." Amanda said, laughing and crying at the same time. Nick leaned in to kiss her but she backed away. When he looked puzzled, Amanda laughed. 

"Your face is bleeding sweetheart." she told him. The two of them laughed and went to the bathroom so he could clean up...hand in hand...back together again.


	34. Chapter 34

Amanda helped Nick clean the blood off of his face and smiled at him...she loved him more than ever for standing his ground during the argument. Nick had grown up in so many ways and she was proud of the man he had become. 

"How is your hand?" she asked as her eyes fell on the cuts. His right hand was scraped and bruised, it didn't seem to faze him. 

"It will be fine. Sorry about the wall, I will fix it. Just seeing him kiss you made everything just...explode." Nick explained, looking away from her. 

"Why? I would never leave you...."

"That's not the point, baby. I have been feeling so down lately....you said you were leaving me to AJ...it hurt. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you. I dunno why you keep choosing me....Brian is perfect. I am a mess." Nick said softly. 

"Baby, you aren't perfect but that's what I love about you...I love you for your faults...you're perfect to me." Amanda said. 

"Really? I have been depressed and moody, emotional..."

"I know that sweetheart, but this is who you are. I understand that you have had a hard life. Nobody is perfect, I like you the way you are." she told him, smiling. Nick was and had always been this way...mostly due to his mother and from when he went to live with Brian's family. Lance hadn't helped much either. 

"Can I tell you why I have felt like that?" Nick asked as they walked back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. They laid next to each other, talking. 

"Please do." Amanda said, looking at him eagerly.

"Remember when I started walking again? When I got the leg cast off?" 

"Yes, I do." 

"You told me I looked like I did when I was 15....remember?" Nick asked. Amanda nodded, she remembered how he had looked so sick...his mother had been starving him as part of the abuse...he was very thin and sick looking. After his car accident, Nick had lost too much weight and his hair grew out. He had looked like a teenager again. 

"When I walked away from you...I looked in the mirror and saw myself at 15. I felt ugly." Nick confessed. Amanda held him as he teared up. She knew this was a sore spot for Nick. 

"You're not ugly, baby." 

"I know...but then my mom got into my head and I started to think. I felt ugly. I felt that you didn't want me."

"So you started eating more?" Amanda asked, recalling how drastic his eating habits had changed then. 

"Yes, I did. I ate and ate....even when I wasn't hungry. I just felt empty. I started drinking more too. I wanted to fix it. Then I saw the fans saying I was too thin and looked sick. I ate even more. Then I looked at myself again...I was fat. No matter what I did I felt ugly." Nick whispered. Amanda rubbed his back gently and kissed his forehead.

"You would never be ugly to me." 

"Then I heard JC was performing at the club. I heard he was taking my place." 

"I would never replace you, Nicky. My club was losing money without you and JC offered to help. Without him I would have gone bankrupt." Amanda told him as she stroked his hair. 

"That night after the rehearsal....I felt the worst I have felt in a few months. I came home and opened a six pack of beer....I started drinking."   
"Nick-" 

"I...I drank because I felt empty...I drank to make the pain stop. Then I got a headache and took the pills." he explained. Amanda held him tight, remembering walking into the empty house and finding him on the floor...unconscious and barely breathing. 

"Nick, I know you said you weren't trying to kill yourself, but that night you scared all of us. I know you have been feeling depressed and I am so sorry about that...but why didn't you talk to me about it?" she asked softly, snuggling next to him. 

"I was ashamed. I had started to give up on myself. I felt like I was losing everything I loved, including you. My career means nothing without you in my life, baby." 

"You will never lose me." 

"I am so sorry I put you through all of this, but things will get better, I am seeing a therapist and I hired a personal trainer to get fit again. I lost weight on my own but I need help." Nick replied, kissing her. 

"I am proud of you. I would never leave you, no matter who tries to change my mind. We belong together." Amanda said. Nick smiled at her, she looked beautiful at that moment and he kissed her again. 

"Brian still loves you....when he kissed you I saw the love in his eyes...you need to talk to him." 

"He does? I thought he was over our breakup." Amanda protested, frowning. 

"He isn't...I can tell. I know the kiss was a mistake because I have been there myself. I know what it's like to love someone that doesn't love you back. I am gonna overlook it but you should talk to him." 

"I don't want to hurt him, baby. Brian is a good friend....I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"Brian will understand. Just trust me...its better to get things out in the open." Nick said. 

"Okay I will talk to him." Amanda reasoned, kissing him again. Nick smiled at her, feeling content for the first time in a while. 

"I missed being like this with you...depression sucks." 

"I know a cure for that." 

"You do?" he asked, puzzled. Grinning, Amanda straddled him and started undressing. Nick smiled, his eyes twinkling as he looked at her body...he hated fighting but the making up part was his favorite.


	35. Chapter 35

"Open the goddamn door!" 

Brian had been sitting in his living room when he heard the banging, he had been kicking himself for kissing Amanda. What was he thinking? She would never be with him and he knew that. 

"Brian, I know you're in there!" the voice shouted again. When he opened the door, AJ was standing there looking angry. 

"What the hell?" Brian asked, looking confused. AJ grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him into the house. 

"I should kick your ass right now." he snapped, slamming the door behind him. In his years on the police force, Brian knew how to deal with situations such as this...but he never expected any of it to happen to him...especially with a close friend. 

"What are yo-" 

"Don't give me that horseshit. After everything Nick has been through....you kissed his fiance?" AJ shouted, pushing him forcefully. 

"I didn't mean to..." 

"You still fucking love her. You couldn't stand to see her and Nick together so you did it to break them up didn't you?"

"Hey...let me talk, goddamn it!" Brian yelled , his face turning red. AJ backed up a little into the door, sulking. 

"Okay." he whispered. 

"I didn't mean to kiss her. We were horsing around and it just...it just happened. Yes I still love her, but she belongs with him. I would never break them up." Brian explained. 

"Well, you did. Nick walked out on her." AJ pointed out. Brian's blood ran cold, his face turned white. 

"He....he walked out? Is she okay?" he asked. 

"No....when I left she was packing her bags. Nick saw the two of you sucking face and had an emotional breakdown. It was bad." AJ replied, feeling less angry than he had been. 

"Where is he now?" 

"I don't know, but hopefully he didn't do anything stupid....especially after he almost killed himself a while ago." AJ told him. Of course this wasn't entirely true. He had beaten Nick up when he came back to the house...but Brian didn't need to know that. 

"HE WHAT?" Brian exclaimed, unable to process the information. 

"I had Amanda give him a fake rehearsal to show him he wasn't ready to perform and he took it really bad. He came home and I found him drinking. I left him to pick up Celine here, and when I came back he was unconscious on the floor." AJ said, realizing what he had done. He felt horrible for leaving Nick and knew it was not the smartest thing he could have done. 

"AJ why would you do such a thing? You're worse than me...you left him for dead." 

"You kissed his fiancé!" 

"Okay....this is dumb. We are both shitty friends. Neither of us deserve to be best man." Brian said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"Yeah..." AJ agreed. 

"Look, I know what I did was wrong." Brian replied after a minute or two of silence. He stood in front of AJ with his hands behind his back. 

"What are you doing?" AJ asked, raising a pierced eyebrow. 

"Hit me." 

"What the hell have you been smoking?" AJ demanded, and Brian laughed. 

"I deserve it. You get one free hit....any more and I will arrest you." he replied. AJ looked at him as if he had two heads and wound up his arm. Brian braced himself for impact as AJ's fist came at him....

 

"I love you so much..." 

"Amanda?" AJ's voice came through the hallway a while later. He came into the room and saw Amanda on top of Nick, completely naked. Nick had a huge grin on his face as she straddled him, his eyes moving towards the door of the bedroom. 

"Oh shit." AJ said, backing away. 

"AJ can't you knock?!" Amanda scolded him. Nick was looking as if he had won the lottery. AJ ducked as a pillow came flying at his head. He left the room shaking his head in disbelief...when he had left Amanda was crying and now they were having sex? 

"This house is driving me insane!" he muttered. 

"Are we getting a divorce?" Aaron asked when AJ met him at the bottom of the stairs. They could hear Nick moaning with pleasure and AJ led Aaron outside.   
"No, kiddo. Nobody is going anywhere. They just had a little fight." 

"Why?" Aaron asked. 

"I will tell ya when you're a bit older, okay?" AJ said, sighing. It had been a long day. 

 

The next morning, Amanda was surprised to find Kevin on the porch to see her. He had some invitations and things for her to look at. Amanda liked Kevin quite a lot...he was good at his job and was dead set on making this wedding perfect. 

"So....I think we should go with the lavender ones but I will ask Nick what he thinks later." Amanda said as she brought him another cup of coffee. 

"Everything is okay with the two of you?" Kevin asked suddenly, sipping from it. 

"Why wouldn't it be?" Amanda replied...acting as if nothing had happened. 

"Because Brian came to my house apologizing for ruining the wedding." Kevin explained with a bemused expression. Amanda sighed and set down her mug. 

"Look, Kevin...Brian kissed me and Nick saw. There was a fight and Nick walked out. It was a whole misunderstanding." 

"So how did he get the bruise on his face?" Kevin asked. 

"What bruise? I haven't seen him since yesterday." Amanda said.   
"Is something going on with you and my cousin? Why would he kiss you?" Kevin asked, ignoring her comment. He sounded a bit annoyed over the whole situation, but was surprisingly calm. 

"No, Kevin. Not for a few months now. He and I used to date....we broke up at the end of March. He told me he was in love with me but I didn't feel the same way." Amanda explained, remembering the night she told Brian she saw him as a brother and nothing more. She saw the love in his eyes again on the beach and it scared her. 

"He still loves you. Have you talked to him about it? Brian has a hard time letting go." Kevin said. 

"I don't want to hurt him. Brian is one of my best friends and I can't lose him." Amanda protested, remembering what she had told Nick the night before as they lay in bed.   
"Just be honest. He will understand." Kevin said wisely before he left. Amanda sat in the kitchen for a while, thinking when the doorbell rang. When she answered it, Brian was standing there on the porch holding a paper bag. 

"Can we talk?" he asked. Amanda stared back at his deep blue eyes, searching for the words to tell him how she felt. She just hoped everything would work out.


	36. Chapter 36

"I brought you your favorite." Brian said, holding up a bag with ice cream inside. Amanda loved mint chocolate chip and he knew this would help smooth things over a little bit at least. 

"Let's sit outside." Amanda said, knowing that Nick may be home at any moment. She didn't want Nick to see them alone together, especially after the kiss. 

"It's hot out here. Wouldn't you rather sit in the air conditioning?" Brian asked, watching her. They sat on the porch swing and ate the ice cream, not speaking for a few moments. 

"Look....about yesterday...I am so sorry." Brian started, looking into her brown eyes. He felt horrible for kissing her...he knew that she would never be his. 

"Do you still love me, Brian?" Amanda asked in barely a whisper. He didn't look at her, he stared at the porch deck intent on not looking at her. 

"Yes." he said finally. Amanda felt her chest tighten as she remembered the night she had dumped Brian....how he had looked when she said she was not in love with him. 

"I will always care for you, Amanda. That will never change." Brian told her, taking her hand in his. 

"I can't keep hurting you like this. I don't want to lose you...you're my best friend." Amanda replied, her eyes watering. 

"We can still be friends. i should have never kissed you....then Nick would still be here." Brian said. 

"What are you talking about? Nick didn't go anywhere." 

"AJ said....he said that Nick walked out on you!" Brian exclaimed in confusion. He rubbed at his bruised jaw and felt stupid. 

"Nick did leave, but he came back. It was a misunderstanding. We are very much still together. He has been having a lot of issues lately." Amanda explained.

"So he didn't try to kill himself?" Brian asked. 

"Not exactly. He was drinking and had a headache so he took pills...he overdosed, but I found him in time. Nick has been going through a lot of depression and anxiety lately." she said, looking down at her ice cream and sighing. She couldn't shake the image of Nick laying on the floor when she had found him and it scared her. Nick was going down a dark path and she was happy that he decided to fix things now. 

"I am sure I didn't help him very much by kissing you." Brian pointed out. 

"Not really, no. It triggered an emotional breakdown and he almost left me. He thought I was replacing him with you. Brian, I care a lot for you....I want to stay friends, but this is making things very difficult." Amanda told him. Deep down, he knew she was right. Brian did love Amanda but he knew how much Nick had gone through to be with her....he knew how much they loved each other. 

"This won't complicate our friendship, I promise. I could never come between you and Nick. He needs you....you need each other." Brian replied wisely. 

"I need him too. Without him I feel like part of me is missing." 

"He probably hates me." Brian said, his eyes watering. He hated to think how Nick reacted to the kiss....he was sure it was not a pretty sight. 

"I don't hate you, Brian." Brian looked up to see Nick standing there with his hands in his pockets, staring at them. Brian squeaked and quickly moved away from Amanda, dropping his ice cream. 

"Hi honey." Amanda said as Nick leaned in and he kissed her. 

"It's hot as balls outside, why are you two out here?" Nick asked, flashing her a smile. 

"You weren't home sweetie. You seem to be in a good mood today." Amanda giggled. Nick did feel better after his therapy session and now that he had talked things out with his therapist things seemed normal again. 

"Yeah, I am actually." Nick said. Amanda noticed how quiet Brian had gotten.

"I think you two need to talk," she said as she headed into the house. The two of them stood in silence for a few moments before Brian finally spoke up. 

"Nick, I am so sorry about yesterday...." 

"Frick....it's okay, I understand. I have been there before. Remember prom?" Nick said. Brian smiled at his nickname, he had not heard it in a long time. 

"Yeah, I do....but how is that similar to kissing your fiancé?" Brian asked. 

"Amanda was with Lance then. I know what it is like to get lost in the moment with someone. I am not mad at you....I don't blame you for it at all." Nick explained as he sat down. 

"You're okay with it? After everything you've been through? AJ said you were pissed." Brian asked, remembering how AJ had told him about Nick's overdose and how he had broken him and Amanda up.

"Brian, I was going through depression. I am seeing a therapist now and everything will be okay. I don't want to lose you as a friend over this.....I will pretend it never happened." Nick said, patting him on the back. 

"I am sorry Nick. Friends?" 

"Friends. Now come into my studio, I can use your help." Nick said with a smile. He and Brian walked around the corner, laughing...Brian knew things would be okay.


	37. Chapter 37

Nick and Brian sat in the recording studio....crumpled papers scattered all over the room. 

"Wait....I got something here." Brian said suddenly after they'd been there for an hour or so. 

"Play it." Nick begged, pulling out the keyboard. Brian was nervous. Nick....a accomplished musician was asking him for help. He took the keyboard and began to play slowly. 

"I love it...you are good at writing." Nick commented with a smile. 

"You think so? I mean, I never wrote a song. I'm surprised you even let me help you aftet almost ruining the wedding." Brian told him, fiddling around with the keyboard. 

"I told you, it's cool." Nick promised with a smile as Brian grinned back. 

 

"Hey, dad." Nick said as he walked out of the studio a while later. Brian had gone home long ago and Nick stuck around to do some work on his new songs. He had been spending a lot of time writing, at the encouragement of his therapist who said creativity was a good way to deal with his feelings. 

"Hi, son. Got a few?" Bob replied shyly. Nick chuckled at him and they walked to the back of the house, sitting on the patio overlooking the ocean. It was a relaxing place and Nick spent hours there with his guitar, working on his music and listening to the ocean. Nick and Bob's relationship had improved a lot since they met. Nick realised that his father meant well and was not a bad person at all. 

"What you got there, dad?" Nick wondered when he saw the item in his father's hand. It was wrapped sloppily in birthday wrapping paper. 

"I meant to give you this for your 18th birthday....I had put it in the attic for that day....the day we were allowed to meet each other. I came to the house but you were not here." Bob told him. Nick thought back to his 18th birthday and remembered spending it working at the video game store that he had quit from the day RCA had called him. 

"You came to see me?" Nick asked with tears in his eyes as Bob held up the present and handed it to him. 

"I tried a few times actually. I was at your first American show too. I tried to get backstage but they didn't know who I was." 

"I had no idea, Dad. I would have wanted to see you. There were so many times where I wondered if you'd be proud of me and what I accomplished. I worked so hard for my career." Nick said as he took the gift and began to open it.   
"You have come a long way, Nick. You were valedictorian in high school....you got a record deal at 18. I am proud of you." Bob replied, a hand on his son's back. Nick opened the wrapping paper and his eyes filled with tears as he looked inside. A gold picture frame lay in the middle....a photo of his father....almost looking like Nick. He held a baby in his arms, a wide smile across his face while he looked down at it.

"Is....is this me?" Nick asked. 

"That's you after your mom brought you home from the hospital. You were so quiet...hardly made a peep the whole trip." Bob remembered.

"I'm so little." 

"You didn't stay that way for long. I thought you might like to have this picture....and I hope one day you will have a son too, to give him what I didn't get to give you. I love you, Nick." Bob replied. Nick threw his arms around his father and smiled, wiping his eyes. 

"I love you, Dad." 

 

Amanda came home from the club early that day and heard the shower running. She straightened up the room and after a while Nick walked out in nothing but a towel, his hair slightly damp in strings around his face. He smiled as he saw her and kissed her gently.

"Hi, baby." he said, wrapping his long, muscular arms around her. 

"What have you been up to?" Amanda asked. 

"My dad came by today." 

"Oh....speaking of parents...since the wedding is almost here, my parents are coming down for a visit." Amanda said as Nick began to get dressed. 

"That's great, I missed them. Where are they staying?" Nick replied. He loved Amanda's parents after meeting them in New Jersey. 

"Is it okay if they stay here?" Amanda asked. 

"No problem." Nick replied as he walked into the closet to choose clothes. Amanda heard her cell go off and realised it was JC calling.

 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, Amanda. Listen...I have a television appearance on Friday night...my manager overbooked and I can't make the gig." JC said. Amanda wanted to reach through the phone and slap him. 

"Where the hell am I supposed to find another performer, pull one out of my ass?" she snapped angrily as she watched Nick walk back into the room wearing a white wifebeater. 

"Why don't you ask Nick?" JC suggested. 

"I don't know....do you think he is really ready?" Amanda wondered. All she thought about was that rehearsal and Nick's near overdose as a result. 

"I think he is, just ask him." he said before they hung up. Nick sat down on the bed next to her holding a picture frame in his hand. 

"Baby, would you be up to performing on Friday? JC can't do it and I need someone to fill in." 

"Really? You mean it?" Nick said excitedly, a smile on his face as she laughed at him. 

"I think you're ready." 

"Yeah, I will do it!" 

"What are you going to wear?" Amanda asked as Nick went back to his huge walk in closet. 

"I have no idea....any suggestions?" he asked. She smiled as her eyes fell upon a pair of black pants wrapped in plastic. 

"NO....I don't think so." he protested as she held up the pair of leather pants. 

"Come on.....please? For me?" she begged, her bottom lip quivering as she pouted. 

"I won't fit in them, baby. It's been almost ten years since I wore them." Nick said as Amanda waved the skintight leather pants in his face and pouted more. 

"Wear them....as my wedding gift." 

Eventually Nick did put the pants on and was shocked to find out he had lost all the weight he had gained during depression. He kissed Amanda and then his eyes fell upon the picture frame again. 

"Amanda.....there is something I would like more than anything." he began as he and Amanda sat down on the bed, 

"What's that, baby?" she asked. Nick handed her the picture of him and his father and smiled$ 

"I would like a son." he said, looking at the picture proudly. 

"Baby....not to be mean....but I don't know about this. Babies hurt like hell." 

"Just think about it, please? I want to give my little boy a daddy." 

Amanda looked into his eyes and kissed him gently. 

"I will think about it." 

 

Nick smiled at her, hoping what he said would make her change his mind.


	38. Chapter 38

Nick was nervous about Amanda's parents visiting. He had prepared for at least two days, cleaning the house from top to bottom...he mowed the lawn and had the dogs groomed. Amanda, AJ and Aaron all pitched in as well, but Nick was the most anal about cleaning. 

"Baby, my mom won't care if there is a bit of dust. She likes you. Nothing to worry about..." Amanda commented with a laugh.   
"I know. I just want to it to make a good impression, its our house after all." he replied, putting his arms around her. 

"I like when you call it our house." Amanda said, leaning in to kiss him. Nick couldn't wait to marry Amanda, the wedding was in just over a week and everything was finally falling into place. It would be a relief to finally say I do and get the whole thing over with. Nick and Amanda had been through so much in the last few months and both of them had learned what love really meant to each other. 

 

Linda and John arrived the next morning. AJ was at work and Aaron at school. Amanda walked into the room with Celine as Nick answered the door. 

"Hi, Linda...John. Nice to see you again." Nick greeted them. Linda was a pretty woman...brown hair and eyes like her daughter. It was easy to tell they were related. John was tall, muscular and had brown eyes as well. His dark blonde hair had grey patches in the back. 

"What a lovely house." Linda commented. Nick beamed at her and gave them a tour of the house. Amanda was quiet...her mom complimenting him on the plaques and awards around the house. Nick just smiled and politely thanked her, though he seemed uncomfortable with the attention. After the tour of the house, Nick got ready to prepare dinner in the kitchen. 

"Amanda, why aren't you helping him?" Linda asked as Amanda played with the baby...tickling her so she giggled. Celine definitely had her father's smile. 

"Nick can do it....he always cooks." Amanda replied as the baby cooed and smiled at her. 

"He shouldn't be doing so much...shouldn't he be taking it easy?" Linda asked. Nick shook his head...he hated pity. He didn't like people feeling sorry for him, hated it since he was a teenager. 

"Linda, I feel fine. I came a long way since the accident and I am healthy now." he replied before walking back into the kitchen and starting dinner. He made homemade fried chicken....salad and mashed potatoes with gravy. He had prepared a cake for dessert and Amanda's parents were impressed. 

"So are we going to see any more grandchildren?" Linda asked as Nick began to clear the table for dessert. Amanda looked nervously at Nick and he cleared his throat. 

"We talked about it, mom." Amanda replied. Nick left the room, obviously uncomfortable about the situation. 

"You should be helping him. Why is he doing everything?" Linda asked. 

"Honey..." John began but he was cut off. 

"Mom, he wants to do it. Nick likes to feel useful...I don't argue with him, he's happy." Amanda explained as she wiped at Celine's face. She could always count on her mother to be overly critical about her lifestyle. Amanda noticed her mother had also become protective of Nick since they met...even before their visit she had called Nick at least once a week to check on him. 

"Dinner was wonderful, Nick. Is there anything you can't do?" Linda commented. Nick exchanged glances with Amanda. She didn't like how her mother was acting....like she was not even in the room. Amanda's parents were staying in the house but Nick had forgotten to tell AJ about the arrangement. He had been away at a convention for a day or two and missed out on the first part of the visit when he came home the next afternoon. Paying no attention to the woman watching television, he went straight to the playpen. 

"Hey, Peanut." he said...and the baby giggled, smiling at him. 

"You hungry? Let's get us some lunch." AJ added, picking up the baby and crossing the room towards the kitchen door. 

"Hold it right there." 

"Who are you?" AJ asked. Linda stood there, staring him down and looking angry. Celine grunted and buried her face in his shoulder. 

"I'm her grandmother, now put her down or I'm calling the police." Linda shouted with a crazed look in her eye. She grabbed a broom standing nearby and held it, ready to strike. 

"For what?" AJ asked shakily. 

"You're kidnapping the baby. Put her down!!!" 

"You're out of your damn mind, lady! I'm the nanny."

"Put her down!" Linda shouted threateningly. AJ finally obliged, setting Celine down on the floor. Linda attacked him right away, whacking him over the head with the broom repeatedly and shouting. 

"What's going on down here?" Amanda demanded, running down the stairs. She grabbed the broom from her mother and got between the two of them. 

"He's kidnapping the baby!!" 

"Like hell I am!!!" AJ shouted back. Amanda pushed him back, he was heated. 

"AJ take Celine in the kitchen." she instructed calmly. Linda glared at him, her eyes burning. 

"Mom, he helps us with the baby and Aaron. AJ would never hurt anyone." Amanda said, putting the broom down. 

"He looks like a criminal and you should call the police to take him back to jail where he belongs." Linda protested. Amanda sighed, they were in for a long day. Convincing her mom that AJ was safe would take some work but she hoped it would all come together in the end.


	39. Chapter 39

Linda and AJ were not getting along at all. Every chance she got she would make snide remarks about him being in the house. When Nick came home from spending time with John and Aaron, Amanda explained and Nick just shook his head at it all. 

"Linda, why don't you like AJ? He's one of my best friends." Nick asked as he walked into the kitchen. 

"He looks like a criminal. Look at all those tattoos." Linda replied, scowling. Nick was annoyed at her for passing judgment on AJ simply due to his wild appearance. 

"AJ is harmless." Nick said. Linda continued to argue so Nick proceeded to remove the T shirt he was wearing to prove a point. Linda stared in surprise....Nick had tattoos on his back and shoulders. 

"Are tattoos that bad, Linda? I have them too. If you think a person with tattoos is dangerous...well I guess I am a bad person." Nick snapped. Linda was speechless as Nick put his shirt on and walked out of the room. Linda turned to see Amanda standing in the doorway looking annoyed. 

"Mom, watch him with the kids. Ask Aaron what he thinks about AJ. I can promise you he is a sweet guy." Amanda said, walking past her to the laundry room. Linda thought about what Nick and her daughter said. She watched AJ...watched him play with Celine, feed her and take care of her. Nick and Amanda took care of the baby as well, but AJ just seemed to be naturally good with children. He helped Aaron with his homework as well. 

"Aaron? May I ask you a question?" Linda said as she sat next to him at the kitchen table. He was busily doing homework. 

"Sure."

"How do you like AJ?" 

"He's cool. I love him like a brother...but..." Aaron said, frowning and tapping his pencil on the table as if it were a drum set. 

"But?" Linda asked. 

"He makes me do my homework." Aaron replied. Linda laughed, shaking her head. By the end of the afternoon she had decided that maybe AJ wasn't such a bad guy after all. 

"AJ?" Linda said when she saw him headed downstairs. AJ froze in place and looked at her like a deer in headlights. 

"You're not gonna hit me again, are you?" he asked meekly, backing away from her towards the wall. 

"No, I am not. I want to talk to you if that is all right." Linda said. AJ relaxed himself and sat down at the kitchen table. Linda chose the chair next to him and looked him in the eye, her face softened. 

"I want to apologize for the way I treated you. It was wrong of me." 

"Okay." 

"I didn't realize you were so good to the kids and helped when Nick was bedridden...you help watch Aaron and still run a tattoo parlor. That takes a lot of work and I am impressed." Linda said calmly. 

"I am sorry I cursed at you. It's just I am tired of people assuming I am a bad guy cause of how I look. Amanda didn't want me anywhere near Nick when I first met her." AJ explained, laughing at the memory of a 18 year old Amanda walking into the same kitchen....wearing nothing but Nick's white t-shirt. 

"She didn't? How did you meet Nick?" Linda wondered. 

"I met him when he was 16. I was 18 at the time and an apprentice at the tattoo place. I was leaving work and found him sleeping in the alley next to the building." AJ explaining, closing his eyes as he remembered. It had been chilly that night....raining. He had nearly tripped over the teenager laying on cardboard boxes, holding a trash bag over himself to stay dry. He didn't look like he belonged there, dressed in nice clothes. 

 

"Whoa....I didn't see ya there kid."   
"Don't hurt me....I don't have any money," 

"I'm not gonna mug you. What are you doing out here? It's cold." 

"I don't have anywhere to go......" 

 

 

"He was sleeping in the alley? Where were his parents?" Linda asked, feeling sorry for Nick. He seemed like such a strong person.

"He told me he was an orphan. I let him stay with me for two days at my apartment over the shop. He finally told me he had run away from his foster home." AJ told her, sighing. He had found out about Nick's mother, Jane a few months ago when she showed up to claim Aaron. Linda's face fell....she had known Nick might have been abused as a child but did not realize to what extent. 

"How did he act when he was with you?" she asked, interested. 

"He was just like a lost kid. I gave him that shark tattoo on his arm. I said he was a bit young to be getting ink and he said it was ok. I noticed a huge scar on his arm where I put the shark....like he was trying to hide it. If you notice, almost all the tattoos he has now are hiding scars....he has some on his back. From what, I don't know." AJ explained, rubbing the back of his head with his hand as he talked. Linda just nodded and listened....she felt so badly for Nick and his childhood...his lack of parents. 

"Do you know anything about his dad?" 

"I-" AJ started, but Aaron was calling him from the other room. He excused himself and left....Linda sat there thinking as Nick came in the back door.

"Hello, Nick." 

"Hi, Mom. I was just messing around in the studio. How's your day going?" Nick asked, smiling brightly at her. He often considered Amanda's mother his real mom, as his own wasn't fit for the role. 

"I'm good. Working hard?" Linda asked. 

"Yeah. Hey....I got a gig on Friday at Amanda's club....it's my first performance since the accident. You and Dad should come." Nick offered. Linda said yes, and then he went into the living room to find Amanda. 

"Hi, baby." he said, leaning over the couch and putting his arms around her shoulders before kissing her gently. 

"Hey, you." she said, touching his face and returning it. 

"I invited your mom and dad to the show friday, is that okay?" Nick asked. 

"Of course. I can't wait to show Mom all the work I have done." Amanda said excitedly. 

"My dad's coming too." Nick replied, kissing her again. At the mention of Bob she pulled away. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea, baby? My mom hasn't met him yet." she said. Amanda suddenly had the image of Nick's father flying across her nightclub and wasn't looking forward to it. She knew her mother was protective of Nick. 

"It will be good for them to meet. You will see." Nick said, hugging her. As she felt his arms around her, Amanda hoped he was right.


	40. Chapter 40

Nick took a deep breath as he went out on the stage for the first time since the car accident that had nearly taken his life. The lights were bright....almost too bright. He took his place on the stage...a stool under the spotlight. Beads of sweat began forming on his forehead....he felt shaky and nervous. 

"How are you guys tonight?" he said, taking the microphone and bringing it close to his face. Nick was disheartened when he heard no cheers....no squeals of delight. There was just silence. Nick blinked in the spotlight....the brightness stinging his vision. 

"Can someone turn that down?" he asked. The light dimmed and Nick was horrified to see the club empty. Not one fan was there to see him....his own father and Amanda's parents had not shown up. He saw Howie walk over to him, disappointed. 

"You're washed up, Nick....you waited too long. The label's dropping you." his manager sneered. Nick stepped off the stool and backed away, shaking his head in disbelief.

"No..." 

He saw Amanda......she and Brian were near the bar talking and laughing at him....Nick walked to them, not believing it. 

"Amanda..."

"Sorry, Nick. You're not cutting it for me anymore. Consider yourself fired. I have a replacement lined up." she said coldly. 

"Baby, don't do this." Nick pleaded, his eyes watering. She ignored him and kissed Brian in front of him.

"I need someone strong who can protect me." Amanda said, but her voice seemed disconnected from her. Nick shook his head, blinking back tears. He called to her...

 

"Nick?" 

 

His eyes shot open and Nick sat bolt upright in bed, covered in sweat.....he had been dreaming. 

"Baby, are you okay?" Amanda asked. Nick ran his hands through his hair and sighed. 

"It was a nightmare. I must be nervous about the show today....are you sure I am ready to perform again?" he asked. He was worried that his career was over at the age of 26. Nick didn't care about the money or fame, he simply felt that singing was his only thing to offer besides his intelligence. 

"Baby, if I didn't think you were ready I wouldn't have asked you. JC thinks you are ready too. You will be fine, sweetheart." Amanda said, kissing his face gently, her hand on his cheek. He smiled at her and a sense of calm washed over him as it always seemed to do. They cuddled and talked until both of them fell asleep beside one another. The next day, Nick had a rehearsal at the nightclub and insisted on inviting a few fans to come watch. He had decided this after arriving and spotting them already lined up outside. Amanda had to hand it to him, Nick was always good to his fans and they returned it to him. 

"That was sweet of you to let them watch, baby." she said when Nick was putting away his blue guitar. 

"My fans are the best." he replied. A few hours later the club was completely packed with Nick's fans and Amanda's regular customers. Her parents arrived at around six, dressed nicely. 

"This place is busy tonight." John pointed out as Amanda showed them a vip table near the stage where Nick would perform.

"It helped that Nick got on twitter and told everyone to come tonight as well. We are so packed." Amanda explained. She waited for her mother to comment but Linda just sat there in silence. Amanda was hurt that her mother had not noticed the hard work she put into running her own business. She was about to say something but looked up to see Bob walking towards them. 

"Here we go..." she muttered under her breath. Bob was slightly taller than Nick....blue eyes. He had darker blonde hair than his son, specks of grey peeked through. 

"Hello, Bob." Amanda said, holding out her hand. Bob took it and smiled broadly at her....she knew exactly where Nick had gotten it from. She could see her mother eyeing him from the table....Nick looked a lot like his father and Amanda knew Linda was putting two and two together.   
"Nick invited me down to see the show tonight. He seems to be back to his old self." Bob said with a smile.

"He's made a lot of progress. My parents are here as well." Amanda replied, blushing slightly. Bob waved at her parents and Linda stood up...walking toward them. 

"Hello, I am Linda...Amanda's mom. This is my husband, John. Would you like to sit with us?" she asked. 

"I am Nick's father, You can call me Bob." 

Bob looked at her skeptically before sitting down at the table across from them. Amanda politely excused herself to check on Nick and that was when Linda seized her opportunity. 

"Bob, is it?" Linda asked, and he nodded.

"Honey...maybe this isn't the right place to-" John began. 

"I'm talking to him, not you." 

"It's so nice to meet you both. Nick has spoken highly of you many times. I was hoping to meet you before the wedding." Bob said politely. He was thrown off by the glare Linda was giving him suddenly. 

"You're Nick's father?" Linda practically demanded, scowling. From what she knew, Nick was abused to some extent as a child and his father was not around at all. It seemed odd that all of a sudden he would show up to Nick's show. 

"Yes, I am Nick and Aaron's father." Bob replied, his leg bouncing nervously under the table. It was a habit he and Nick both shared...anxiety was present in their family. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you were absent through most of his childhood, am I correct?" Linda whispered angrily. Bob looked down in embarrassment. 

"Linda, I am not gonna lie. I just met Nick last year, before he and Amanda were engaged. Nick and I had not seen each other since he was five." he replied softly.

"So why come back now? After twenty years now you are in his life?" 

"Linda, I am not here to gain anything from my son. His mother, Jane...she put a restraining order on me because I disagreed with how she raised him. Jane didn't want a boy....she'd do anything to get a little girl. She took me to court and told them I abused Nick....it led to me losing custody of him as well. They have me marked as an abusive parent in the system." Bob explained. Linda's expression softened and she felt terrible.

"I am sorry that happened to you."

"I fought for custody of Nick. He doesn't remember any of this. As for Aaron....Jane didn't tell me about him. We were trying to reconcile and she threw me out again." Bob told her. Linda and Bob talked more as the evening went.....she knew he was sincere. 

 

Amanda was backstage talking to Nick before the show....he was shaky and nervous. 

"Don't think about the dream, baby. You will be just fine." Amanda told him, kissing him. Nick kissed her back, taking a breath. He hoped the show would go well....it was his time to shine.


	41. Chapter 41

Nick sat backstage, his body trembling with excitement. He had overcome so much to be on stage again....had been through hell in the last few months...and now he was coming back. He always liked the moments leading up to the actual show, he loved the anticipation and energy from the crowd. Nick stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He wore a white button down shirt with a tank top underneath. It was almost the same outfit he wore the night the club had opened. 

"You okay?" Amanda said, putting her arms around him and kissing him gently. She felt him trembling under her touch. 

"Just nerves I suppose." he said. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 

"The club is packed. You will be fine sweetheart...you always are." she whispered. 

"Is my dad here?" 

"He's talking to my parents. You look great. Now go out there and show them you still got it, Carter." Amanda smiled, tapping him on the ass as he walked out of the room. Nick took his spot on the stage and the lights dimmed. When the lights came on, Nick smiled at the crowded room....cheers and squeals of excited girls ringing in his ears. He grinned, knowing how to tease them.

"I have been gone for a few months....I thought you guys missed me." he said, pouting then laughing when the screams got louder. Nick loved to interact with his audience. He took the microphone in his hand and walked to the edge of the stage, smiling. 

"It has been a hard journey for me to come back and stand here tonight....but I will keep coming back as long as you all want me to." he said softly. Cheers erupted again and then the crowd got silent again. Nick went right into his set and Amanda beamed with pride at her fiancé....Nick Carter was back and better than ever, his voice had improved after rest. Nick didn't tire, he showed no sign of slowing down during his entire show. 

"What do you think, Mom?" Amanda asked as she took a seat next to her. Amanda had put so much work into the club and it was the first time her mother and father were seeing it, she wanted it to be perfect. 

"It's nice." she said, watching Nick as if her daughter wasn't there. The whole night passed and all Linda did was compliment Nick....Amanda fought off the urge to speak up. Her parents and Nick's father hung around for a while after the club closed. Nick looked tired after his first show and Amanda was just tired of her mother. 

"You did such a good job tonight, Nick...I am so proud of you!" Linda said when Nick emerged from the dressing room wearing jeans and a form fitting T-shirt. Nick blushed and looked at his feet, smiling slightly as he was bombarded with compliments from Linda. He watched Amanda, his fiancé stood in silence as her eyes watered. 

"Amanda did a wonderful job running everything tonight," Bob chimed in, grinning. 

"Yes, the club is very successful." John agreed. Amanda smiled slightly but her mother was too busy showering Nick with compliments to notice her. 

"Nick you sounded amazing tonight, your voice is quite a gift." 

"Uh....thanks.....I guess." Nick mumbled shyly, not looking pleased. Amanda noticed he was uncomfortable, Nick did not like the attention Linda was giving him at all. 

"Baby, you look tired...why don't you guys go home and rest? You deserve it." Amanda suggested. Nick could hear in her voice she was upset. Even on the way back to the house Linda continued....never mentioning her daughter, only commenting on Nick.

Later that night Nick lay in bed alone, sitting in the dark and thinking. All he could think about was Amanda's expression...he knew she was upset and wished he could fix it. He didn't want the attention Linda was giving. Nick didn't sing to get praise or get noticed. He did it for himself and no one else. 

"Baby?" Nick whispered when he heard Amanda in the room. She was sniffling...it broke his heart to hear her cry. 

"What are you still doing up? Shouldn't you be resting?" she replied. Nick turned the light on next to the bed and saw her wiping her eyes. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Nick.....I am not mad at you. I know you didn't ask for all of that...but it was a big night for me too." Amanda started as Nick held her. He nodded, listening intently. 

"All I wanted was for my mom to tell me she was proud of me....I worked so hard to keep that club running...and for her to ignore it, well it hurt." 

"I'm so sorry, baby." Nick said. Growing up he knew how she felt...wondering if his dad would be proud of his achievements...wondering if his mom cared at all. 

"I finally understand....I understand how you felt when you thought I replaced you with Brian...it's like my mom would rather have a son." Amanda said tearfully. Nick kissed her gently and stroked her hair....calming her the best he could, but he just let her cry. She needed to let it all out and now all Nick could think about was how he could make it right for her. He knew he would have to do something that was potentially dangerous.....standing up to the mother in law.


	42. Chapter 42

Nick was always an early riser. As a child he had to be up to make breakfast for his mom even though he didn't eat any himself. He woke up at sunrise...took a hot shower. All he could think of was Amanda. 

"She would rather have a son..." he could hear the hurt voice in his head and it bothered him. Nick knew how she felt. His mother was obsessed with getting a baby girl and it resulted in himself being abused for it....punished for being the wrong gender. His mother had always told him he should have been a girl. Nick felt angry as he walked down to the kitchen and began making breakfast....scrambled eggs with bacon. The smell was wonderful but Nick was bothered by Linda's attitude towards her daughter. 

"You're up early, Nick." Linda said from the doorway, dressed in a terry cloth pink robe and a long nightgown.

"I always get up early." he said without looking up from the frying pan. 

"Nobody else is awake, why are you cooking?" Linda asked. Nick didn't answer her, he continued to cook...busying himself with the eggs. 

"Nick?" she said tentatively, walking towards the kitchen. Nick put the cooked eggs on a plate along with the bacon and placed it in the microwave then made himself a plate as well. He poured a glass of milk and took it to the table, sitting down and began to eat as if Linda wasn't in the room. 

"Nick, what's wrong?" she asked. She took a seat across from him at the table and he looked up at her, an annoyed expression on his face. 

"You must be tired from all of your hard work last night. I understand." she added after a few minutes of silence. 

"Mom....give it a rest." Nick snapped angrily. He was tired of all of the compliments...the attention...all he thought about was how he felt Amanda deserved it more. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Just stop complimenting me. Last night was important for Amanda too...and you ignored her completely. It made me sick." Nick said. Linda stared at him in shock, blinking at him. 

"I thought with your background you needed encouragement." she whispered. 

"To be honest, you don't know half of what I went through growing up. I have dealt with that since then. You have a daughter that just wants to hear her mom is proud of her. I didn't have a relationship with my parents....but Amanda did. She just wants to hear it once in a while, it kills me to see her upset." Nick ranted. 

"I am always proud of Amanda, Nick." Linda protested. 

"Have you told her recently? I didn't hear it once last night. You were too busy complimenting me, mom. Amanda needs to hear it too." 

"I-I had no idea, Nick." Linda said with tears in her eyes. Amanda never asked for much from her parents but she remembered how her daughter looked when she paid attention to Nick. 

"You really need to talk to her because she was so hurt by your actions last night at the club....you were wrong for doing that to her. Amanda deserves better. She made that club out of nothing and busts her ass every day to keep it open." Nick said sternly. 

"You're absolutely right, honey. Was that other plate for her?" Linda asked. 

"I was gonna bring let her sleep in. Sometimes I let her do that. " 

Nick helped her set up the breakfast tray and she walked upstairs to find Amanda just waking up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and yawning. 

"Hi, honey." Linda said as her daughter sat up in bed and looked away from her. 

"Hello, Mom." she replied without emotion. The events of the night before were still fresh in her mind.   
"Sweetheart I owe you an apology...." 

"What?" Amanda said in surprise as her mother brought her the tray and sat down on the end of the bed. 

"I made a huge mistake last night and I am so sorry if I let you think I wasn't proud of you for even one minute. I will always support you and I am proud of you for working so hard. The club is wonderful." Linda explained. 

"Thank you, Mom. This means a lot to me....hearing you tell Nick all that stuff last night got to me. Silly, isn't it?"

"Not at all, honey. You had every right to be upset with me. I am proud of all the work you put into keeping the club open." Linda said, putting an arm around Amanda and smiling. 

"Thank you so much." Amanda grinned, starting to eat. The eggs and bacon were still warm and tasted wonderful. 

"Who made this?" she asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. 

"Nick did. You better hold onto him, Amanda....he cornered me and told me to talk to you." her mother explained with a laugh. Amanda almost dropped her fork in surprise. 

"He what?" 

"He told me that I was wrong and I hurt you by paying attention to him instead. Not many men would be so bold as to correct the mother in law....I am impressed." Linda laughed. Later that day...Nick was busying himself doing laundry when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. 

"Hey, you." he smiled as he saw Amanda put her head on his shoulder. 

"Well, look at you being all domesticated. Nothing sexier than a guy washing delicates." Amanda teased, giggling. He kissed her softly and she responded by grabbing his ass. 

"I can handle more than just your panties, baby." he said coyly. 

"Getting dirty, now are we?" Amanda whispered with a seductive smile. Nick turned around and kissed her...his soft lips tingling her with their touch. 

"I wanted to thank you for what you did....it means the world to me that you actually had the balls to stand up to my mother." she said. 

"Baby, I don't care who she is. You should never, ever feel insignificant. You deserve respect and praise from your parents. I love you and seeing you so upset hurt me." Nick explained. 

"I can't wait to become Mrs. Nickolas Gene Carter...you spoil me so much Nick. What makes you love me like this?" Amanda asked.

"Because you love me back." 

Nick leaned in and kissed her again, his hand stroking the side of her cheek. The wedding was a few days away and he couldn't wait to finally say his vows...to wed one last time.


	43. Chapter 43

Kevin ran around like a neurotic chicken during the final fitting only days before the wedding. He had been stressed for the last few weeks, this was the biggest job of his entire career and he did not want to be responsible for ruining Nick Carter's wedding. 

"Wow, Amanda! I love the dresses!" Skye exclaimed. Amanda was being fitted into her wedding gown...and she whirled around to see Skye wearing her bridesmaid's dress. However....it was black...not the ocean blue she had ordered. 

"KEVIN!!!" Amanda wailed, crossing her arms as he ran over. His eyes went wide when he saw the dress...it stood out against Skye's pink streaked blonde hair. 

"That's definitely not ocean blue." he said sheepishly as his phone began to ring, Amanda cursing at him in the background. As it turned out, the men's tuxes and bridesmaid's dresses colors had gotten switched somehow. Amanda, who was normally calm was throwing a diva fit in the fitting room as Linda apologized to the shop owner. 

"It's three days before my wedding, Kevin! FIX THIS!!!" Amanda demanded, her hands on her hips. Kevin stormed over to the shop owner, who seemed frightened beyond belief. 

"You screwed this up and the wedding is Tuesday....I want to know how you're going to fix this and fix it NOW." he hissed, slamming his fist on the counter in anger. The bridal shop owner nodded profusely and began making calls. Over the next few days, final preparations were made and the wedding was finally upon them. 

"Nick, quit pacing....you're making ME nervous." Brian said with laugh. Nick was dressed in his suit and tie....black shoes and slacks. He paced the floor, beads of sweat on his face as he remembered his wedding with Tracy....it didn't help his feelings about this one. He had been confused about how he felt for her, but this time he was sure of what he was doing. 

"I don't know if I can do this..." he whispered to himself, running a hand through his blonde hair. 

"No way....Nick you're not backing out now. Amanda will have a fit." AJ said. All he could remember was Nick's long legs dangling out of a window using a shower curtain at his first wedding. 

"I'm not...but I got a bad feeling again like last time, what if something happens to her? I can't go through that again, AJ. If I lost Amanda I'd die." Nick said in a worried tone. 

"Nothing is gonna happen to her, you want me to go check on her for you?" AJ offered. Nick agreed to this and AJ left the room. 

"Why are you so nervous?" Brian asked as Nick resumed pacing the floor. Lance sat across the room, his green eyes following him. 

"I'm taking her to France for our honeymoon. I haven't been out of the country since Tracy passed away." Nick explained. He spotted a bottle of chamagne and eyed it longingly. 

"Nick, you can't drink. Amanda will kill you if you were drunk at that altar." Brian scolded him. 

"Maybe he could have one....to calm his nerves." Lance said, pouring a glass and handing it to Nick, who gulped it down. Brian glared at Lance afterwards, his eyes narrowing. 

"What is the big deal? One glass won't hurt him." Lance protested. Brian didn't like Nick's choice to make Lance his best man....he was Amanda's ex husband, Nick's childhood bully and caused so much pain in Nick's life. Nick's reasoning was that Lance had changed, the two of them were friends now but Brian felt he knew better. 

"Guys we have been through this before. Can't we all get along for one day? This is important. I am sure Amanda is having champagne too." Nick said, walking between his friends. 

 

"Knock, knock." AJ said as Linda answered the door. 

"You clean up well," Amanda's mother said politely. AJ had taken his piercings out for the wedding and dyed his hair brown, its natural color. He had left his sunglasses at home as well. 

"Thanks, how's Amanda doing?" AJ laughed. Amanda stood in front of a 3 way mirror, modeling as Skye fixed her veil and her mother fixed her dress. She looked beautiful, her brown hair down her back and the dress hugging her curves. 

"You look beautiful." 

"Thank you, AJ. You look good too. Is Nick ready?" Amanda asked, fixing the tiara pinned in her hair. She looked like a princess and felt like one, everything was going perfectly. She sipped at a glass of champagne and AJ laughed. 

"Nick's been ready for a while, he wants to marry you already." he joked. 

"Okay, tell Kevin I'm ready too." Amanda said with a smile, taking a breath as she looked at herself in the mirror.....in roughly an hour she would be Mrs. Nickolas Gene Carter and she couldn't wait to walk down the aisle one last time.


	44. Chapter 44

Amanda took a deep breath, standing by the large wooden doors of the church. She nervously flattened wrinkles on her wedding gown and adjusted her veil again....then looked back up. Nick was on the other side of the doors...she knew he would be wearing the dark suit he had chosen and would have his hair slicked back. She knew Nick was just as nervous as she was, it was both their second marriage (Nick didn't count Katie) and they both promised one another that they would never marry again if god forbid....it didn't work out. Amanda stood in the hallway and smiled, remembering when she and Nick were younger....the night of prom. They had taken each other that night, Amanda had chosen him to be her first. 

 

"Are you all right, Nick?" she whispered, kissing his shoulder as he lay next to him...his body trembling slightly. 

"Yes...are you?" he replied shakily. He ran his hand through his hair, beads of sweat on his face. 

"I'm glad I chose you, Nick." Amanda said. She rested her head on his shoulder and it seemed to calm him. His chin nuzzled into her soft brown hair and he smiled.   
"Amanda....what's going to happen now?" he asked suddenly. Amanda lay next to him, thinking. She was in a relationship already but wasn't sure if Nick was ready for a girlfriend. 

"We will see." 

Amanda knew now she had broken his heart after that night, she had seen his expression when Lance kissed her. AJ had told her years later it was prom night that Nick realized he was in love with her and he swore they'd end up together despite how she always chose Lance over him. Amanda always regretted marrying Lance first but felt that this time she and Nick were doing it right. 

"Ready, sweetheart?" her father, John, said as he appeared next to her. Amanda smiled and took another breath, the music beginning to play from behind the wooden doors. 

"Yes, daddy." she replied, taking his arm. She was glad her father supported the marriage to Nick as he had not liked Lance at all. The doors opened and she saw Nick at the end of the aisle, he was trying to hide it...but he was smiling. 

 

 

Nick was nervous as he stood on the altar, the wedding guests looking up at him. He saw his father and his friends in front along with the other guests. His knees felt weak but it was purely from nerves. 

"You'll be fine..." 

Nick wondered who was speaking to him...he felt a cold breeze on his neck and heard her voice again.

"You belong with her. Don't be afraid..." 

Here Comes The Bride began to play and the doors of the church opened, he saw Amanda and drew breath. She had on a satin wedding gown, her long brown hair pinned up and curled down her back. He thought she looked stunning, a bouquet of roses in her hand as her father walked down the aisle. Nick smiled as she came up the stairs and stood next to him, she grinned back....tears in her brown eyes. 

"Hey..." he mouthed, his eyes watering as well. He couldn't believe it was finally happening....he was about to marry the girl he had fallen in love with at the age of 18.... 

"We are gathered here today to wed Nick and Amanda in holy matrimony." the priest stated. It was the same one that had married him to Tracy two years previously. 

"If anyone should object to this union....speak now or forever hold your peace." 

"I OBJECT!!!!!" a voice shouted. Nick's eyes went wide and he spun around to the speaker in shock....

 

"Nick...." 

Nick's face fell when he saw Katie running towards them....she wore a red dress and heels, her blonde hair a mess. 

"Oh god." he whispered as she threw herself at him, pretending to cry. 

"Nicky, please don't do this to me...I am still in love with you." she sobbed into his pants. Nick looked at Amanda, who was ready to pounce on her. 

"I never loved you." Nick sneered, shoving her off of him with his knee. She fell back, still pretending to cry dramatically. Several guests were laughing at the show she put on. 

"Get her out of here!" Kevin shouted into his ear piece, and Katie was escorted out of the church and promptly arrested for breaking a restraining order Nick had placed on her a few months ago.

"Does anyone ELSE object?" the priest asked as Nick smirked. 

"I'd like to see them try." he quipped, and some people laughed. 

"Please continue." Amanda smiled gently. 

 

"Very well, then. Do you, Amanda take Nick to be your lawfully wedded husband....for better or worse, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" 

Amanda looked into Nick's blue eyes and smiled....she was ready. 

"I do." 

 

"Do you, Nick...take Amanda to be your lawfully wedded wife....for better or worse, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" the priest asked. Everyone watched Nick and waited for a reply....

"I do." he said with a smile. He heard AJ and Brian sigh with relief and chuckled. 

"By the power vested in me from the city of Oceanview, Florida.....I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss-" 

 

The last words of the priest never left his mouth, Nick had already grabbed Amanda, his lips pressed against hers passionately. She could feel his tongue wriggle in her mouth, this was no church kiss. As they left the church, their friends waved and wished them well....Nick and Amanda stepped into the waiting limousine and drove off to their reception.

"Hello, Mrs. Carter." Nick grinned. He couldn't help smiling, Amanda was finally his after all he went through....after waiting patiently she was finally his. He kissed her again and she giggled.

"I love how you say that." she whispered. 

"Mrs. Carter....you have just married Nickolas Gene Carter....what are your thoughts?" Nick said, holding out his hand like a microphone. Amanda grinned, there was only one thing she could think of. 

"It's about damn time." she said, kissing him as they laughed. Nick couldn't be happier, his dreams had finally come true, but little did he and Amanda know that it was only the beginning for them....


	45. Chapter 45

"Well, Mrs. Carter....are you ready?" Nick grinned cheekily as they sat in the limousine outside of the reception hall. Amanda smiled back and adjusted her tiara, she couldn't believe it was all real....she was married to Nick Carter. 

"I've been ready!" she teased. Nick kissed her before they got out and walked into the room. The reception for their wedding was fun yet elegant....balloons in pastel colors of ocean blue and lavender...flowers at every table. The large wedding cake sitting at the center was a four tiered tower of buttercream and delicate roses made of fondant. There was a large dance floor and candles set the mood, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. 

"Congratulations, guys." Brian said, greeting Nick and Amanda on the dance floor. He had been paired with Amanda's cousin Emily for the wedding. AJ with Skye, Lance with Amanda's friend Rachel, and JC with her cousin Heather. Amanda noticed a spark with AJ and Skye that she hadn't seen before, they were showing good body language towards one another and spending a lot of time together. 

"Attention, everyone....Nick has something to say before he and his new bride share their first dance." JC announced before handing Nick the microphone. 

"As you all know....I have gone through a lot to be with this girl right here, but here we are." Nick smiled. 

"About time." Brian piped up as everyone laughed. 

"She and I have had a lot of good times and bad times, but I promise I will be there for her until I take my last breath. I wrote this song for you, baby....I love you." Nick said before the music began to play. He took her hand and they began to dance....just like they did at prom. 

 

 

It's in the silences, the words you never say   
I see it in your eyes, always starts the same way   
"It seems like everyone we know is breaking up,"  
"Does anybody ever stay in love anymore?" 

 

"You wrote this for me?" Amanda asked, her eyes watering as she looked into his. 

 

I promise you from the bottom of my heart   
I will love you til death do us part   
I promise you as a lover and a friend  
I will love you like I'll never love again, with everything I am 

 

"Well, I had some help baby." Nick said, smiling at Brian standing nearby. 

After their dance ended it was time for dinner. Lance stood up and held up his glass of champagne, tapping on it gently with his knife before clearing his throat. As the best man...it was traditional for him to make a speech. Everyone grew silent and looked at him. Lance rubbed the back of his head and coughed again.

"I....I know a lot of you don't think I even belong here at this table making a toast to my ex wife." Lance began meekly, trying not to look anyone in the eye. 

"Amanda was the one good thing I had in my life and to be honest, I didn't deserve her. Nick loved her the minute he saw her and all I did was everything I could to break his spirit and keep Amanda to myself, but Nick didn't give up. No matter how horrible or rotten I was, he still loved her. The two of them belong together, anyone with half a brain can see it."

Nick smiled at him and Amanda nodded in awe. Lance relaxed and continued, clearing his throat. 

"I hope both of you are together for a long time and I wish you both the best." he finished. Everyone clapped and the others made a toast as well. After dinner Nick and Amanda stood near the large cake in the center of the dessert table. Nick cut it and gently fed it to her, careful not to mess up her makeup. Amanda took her piece and smooshed it into his face, someone snapping pictures as he laughed. He then went after her but she backed up, giggling. 

"Watch my dress!" she grinned as Nick licked cake from his face. For the bouquet toss, all the girls lined up and Amanda threw it over her shoulder. 

"It's mine!!" Skye shouted, knocking one of the other girls down to claim her prize, her magenta streaked blonde hair in her face as she fell. 

"Looks like you're getting married next Skye," Nick laughed as she looked at AJ. Amanda and Nick noticed as the reception went on that Skye and AJ seemed to be attracted to one another and they liked it....he hadn't had a girlfriend in quite some time. 

"This is the best part....the garter toss." AJ said, rubbing his hands together. 

"Why?" Nick asked as someone brought out a chair for Amanda to sit on. AJ leaned in and whispered something into his ear. 

"Ohhhh," 

 

Nick walked over to Amanda and knelt down next to her dress. To everyone's shock....his head went under the white material. Amanda could feel him tickling the side of her leg with his mouth as he slid the garter off of her using only his teeth. Her mouth dropped when she felt his tongue on her thigh. He wriggled under the dress suggestively before emerging, twirling the garter around his finger and smirking. He threw it and everyone laughed when it landed on AJ's head. All of the guests had a wonderful time and Nick took Amanda home that night, kissing her as they changed clothes and put the kids to bed.

"Nick why is our luggage on the stairs? I thought we weren't leaving for our honeymoon until tomorrow." Amanda said, still confused by the kids going to bed so early. 

"We are taking a red eye, baby. If we don't we will be bothered by the press at the airport. I think this is a better idea and easier on Celine as well. I already packed for you." Nick said, putting his arms around her. 

"You still won't tell me where we are going will you?" she asked as he kissed her gently on the cheek.   
"It's a surprise, trust me you will love it. I picked it especially for you and I." Nick responded. Amanda smiled, kissing her husband before watching him take their luggage to the taxi outside. She stood there with her arms crossed and smiling as she hummed.... 

"You're still the one I want for life...." 

Life with Nick was just beginning, and she couldn't be happier.

-To Be Continued in From This Moment On -


End file.
